Torteggas

I have started and stopped writing this post fifteen different times.  I’ve written as much as five paragraphs and then deleted the whole thing.  I am, you might say, distractable and distracted.  My children keep bursting in through the doors yelling crazy things at me. (Because apparently my children have given up speaking in favor of yelling everything.)

The following are all actual things my kids have said to me in the past week:

 

“Mom!  Do you LOVE refrigerators?  ‘Cause I think they’re AWESOME!”

“I can’t put my ripped jeans on Diggedy.  Those are my wood working and snake catching pants.  That would be disastrous!” (First, or the record, I did not -ever- ask any child to put pants of any kind -ripped or otherwise- on the poor, elderly beagle. And second, snake catching pants? )

“I feel hungry and empty inside!” (This was said immediately after the child had eaten three hot dogs!)

“I have a black eye!  I accidentally slapped myself in the eye with my hand!” (Whah?)

“I didn’t shoot him on purpose.  We were playing a game called ‘don’t move!’ and he moved.  I was compelled to shoot him. (I’d like to have words with whoever invented those Nerf foam dart guns.  Unkind words.)

 

To top it off, I have late-Spring fever, an exploding garden, and a million and a half things to get done.

So without further adieu, I will skip straight ahead to the food, eschewing all other distractions.  Well, except for this one.  The name of this dish is not one of my finer moments.  Torteggas.  Right.  My pride aches just typing that.  Here’s the thing.  My kids asked me what was for dinner.  This dish was -as yet- unnamed when the question was posed.  (And my children NEED for dishes to have names.  Don’t ask me why because I haven’t figured it out.  If the dish doesn’t have a name it won’t pass their lips.  Is it something I’ve done?) In a moment of not-so-quick thinking, I combined the words ‘tortilla’ and ‘egg’ in the only way my poor addled, distractable brain could.  The result was ‘Torteggas’.  Le sigh.  And of course, the name stuck.

Silly name or not, this is one of the finest fast dinners in my repertoire.  This egg-lover’s dream dish is a hand-held meal that combines a crisped tortilla with a lightly fried egg, melted cheese and salad.  If you, like me and 4 out of the 6 other mouths for which I cook, adore runny yolks, this dish is a sure winner.  The yolk makes the most amazing, velvety dressing when it breaks over the salad greens.  It’s messy.  I won’t lie to you.  But it’s yummy, yolky, eggy messy.  And the combination of flavors and textures is surprisingly sophisticated: the hot and chewy tortilla, soft egg, warm, velvety yolk, crisp greens, sharp cheese and piquant hot sauce…  It just goes to prove the old adage that simplest is often best.

When you have only minutes to create and eat dinner before flying out the door for soccer/dance/baseball practice or an evening meeting this is absolutely, bar-none, the best thing you can possibly make. The egg is substantial enough to fill you up without weighing you down. And can I tell you just one more thing?  I sometimes make this on nights when we’re in no hurry at all.  It really is that good.   And lest I forget to mention it, this is a very healthy meal.  Protein and veggies in a convenient hand-held package.  As if all that weren’t enough, it’s vegetarian friendly!*

*Sure, you can throw a few crispy strips of bacon in here and it’s outstanding, but that sort of takes away from the 2-minutes-and-done-nature of this dish.  But I won’t tell you I’ve never done that…  Because that would be lying.

Just make this.  Please.  Soon!

 

Torteggas

Ingredients (scale up or down as needed, quantities given are per serving):

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  • 1 flour tortilla
  • 1 tsp vegetable or canola oil
  • 1 egg
  • 3 Tablespoons finely shredded cheese (any nicely melting cheese will do!), divided
  • a pinch of salt
  • a handful mixed salad greens, cleaned and dried
  • optional: hot sauce for serving

Before beginning, it’s best to lay your ingredients out, much like a stir-fry, as this process goes really quickly once you start cooking!

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Warm a heavy bottomed skillet over medium heat.  When pan is hot, add oil and allow that to heat.  Place tortilla in pan.  Fry until the top side puffs up a bit and its underside is golden brown, about 1 minute.

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Remove tortilla to a plate and crack egg carefully to one side of the center of the pan.  Sprinkle 1 Tablespoon of cheese over the egg.

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Gently lay tortilla, fried side down, over the egg in the pan.  The tortilla should be positioned so that when the tortegga is done and you fold it in half, the egg will cover one half of the tortilla.

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Don't squash that egg! (Unless of course you have those who like their yolks firm and cooked through.  In that case, squash away!

Don't squash that egg with the tortilla! (Unless of course you have those who like their yolks firm and cooked through. In that case, squash away!

Cook for about 1 minute, or until you can carefully slide a spatula under the egg and tortilla.  If you like your yolks runny (and I do!) be careful not to break the yolk as you slide the spatula under and flip the egg and tortilla over.  Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top of the egg and tortilla.

Raise the heat to medium high and fry until underside of tortilla is a light golden brown.

Remove tortegga to plate and sprinkle with salt to taste.

Oh my achin' yolk.

Oh my achin' yolk.

Drizzle with hot sauce (if using) and top one half with salad greens.

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...And one for the child who doesn't like hot sauce!

...And one for the body who doesn't like hot sauce!

Fold in half like a taco and inhale!

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There is no getting around it, if you like runny yolks, this is a bit messy to eat.  But it’s worth every single drip!  Just lick your fingers.  I promise I won’t tell.

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I licked this plate.  And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Tub-stoppers (English Muffins with fried eggs and Canadian Bacon)

Without straining the gray matter too much, you might’ve guessed that I don’t haul five kids out to eat breakfast in restaurants very often.  Leaving aside the expense of the endeavour, can you even imagine me getting them all ready to go BEFORE I’ve been sufficiently caffeinated?  Or before they’ve actually eaten?  Because my kids don’t budge out that door until they’ve consumed a few dozen eggs, half a pig and the amount of juice it takes an entire orchard to produce.  And I’ve mentioned here before that cold cereal just doesn’t cut it around here.  When we have it, we tear through an entire box at breakfast.  On my continuing quest to provide home-cooked breakfasts for my kids we entered homemade English muffin territory a week or so ago.  They were so delicious and so stinkin’ easy to make that we’ve been playing variations on the English muffin theme most days since. 

 

The current favorite variation is one that bears a striking resemblance to a breakfast sandwich available at a restaurant chain that employs a clown to hawk its wares.  My kids love these sandwiches; English muffin topped with fried eggs, Canadian bacon or smoked bacon, and sliced cheese.  I eat mine with a superhuman quantity of hot sauce:  My husband eats his plain.  **This is extreme roll reversal and I can only explain it by saying that eggs belong with hot sauce.  That is how it is and always shall be.  He is missing out. 

 

Not only do my kids love this breakfast, it seems to make them behave better.  Perhaps its the uber-dose of protein with breakfast that keeps ‘em calm.  Perhaps it’s the fact that they’re so full that chills them out.  I don’t know what does it.  I only know that I like it because it keeps them happy and comes together in a flash.

 

My father-in-law, a charming man, has a not-so-appetizing name for these sandwiches (having apparently produced more than his fair share of these for my husband and siblings while they were young):  Tub-stoppers.    Thus named, says my husband, “because they look like tub-stoppers.”  Oh yes.  That would be logical.  I was hoping for something more obtuse.  I have a call into Pappy right now hoping he’ll give me a more outlandish story to reprint here about how they procured their name.

 

In the meantime, I’ll pass along the recipe for Tub-Stoppers.

Tub-Stoppers

Scale this down if you need to do so.  Once again, I’m writing for large families, but this recipe is easily and infinitely scalable.

 

Ingredients:

  • 8 English muffins, preferably homemade, split
  • 8 large eggs
  • 8 slices Canadian bacon
  • 8 slices cheese
  • butter for coating the griddle and muffin rings (if using for eggs)

 

Heat a large griddle over medium-high heat.  Lay Canadian bacon slices on hot surface and cook until underside is lightly browned.  Flip over and heat through, removing when second side is also lightly browned.  Transfer to a piece of foil and cover until the rest of the sandwich components are done. 

 

Butter the griddle and toast all English muffin halves, split side down.  Remove to a plate and lightly cover with a paper towel.

 

Lower griddle heat to low-medium.  If you want perfectly round eggs, butter the muffin rings and lay them on the griddle to preheat.  Crack an egg into each ring (or directly on the griddle) and cover.  Cook about 5 minutes or until cooked to desired doneness.  If using a ring, shake the ring gently and remove. 

 

To assemble the sandwiches, stack an egg, a piece of Canadian bacon and a slice of cheese on the toasted side of an English muffin half.  Pour half a bottle of hot sauce on top (if desired) and top with another English muffin half.  Serve hot, warm, or room temperature. 

 

You could do worse than to serve this with a thick slice each of garden fresh tomato and red onion.  Mmmmm.

 

How did we like this recipe?

 

This gets a solid 14 thumbs up out of 14 after one child removes the cheese from his sandwich, another removes his eggs, and a third removes everything but the Canadian bacon and adds blueberry jam.  English muffin, blueberry jam and Canadian bacon?  There’s no accounting for kids’ tastes.