Chocolate Peanut Butter Oreo Whippy Dips

 

Before we go one step further, I’m going to need you all to raise your right hand, put your left hand on the Bible and repeat after me:

I solemly promise not to hold Rebecca responsible for the calories I am about to consume when I make this recipe, because I WILL make this recipe. I will not even peek at the calorie count on the back of the ice cream container or the Oreo box or the heavy whipping cream carton or the chocolate syrup bottle. I certainly will not do the math and add up the total.

In exchange for the oath you just swore, I promise to do another installment of tasty penance this week.

Alright. Are we good? Good. Let’s proceed.

You see, I used to work in an ice cream place. I know I’ve mentioned this. I was a pale, scrawny whip of a girl with Sally Jessy Raphael glasses and a long chestnut ponytail. I manned the counter at a walk-up joint called ‘The Whippy Dip’. It was a sweltering summer and even though the tiny ice cream shack was situated on a rural route, the place kept pretty busy. In between rushes, I swept. I swept the counters, floors, sidewalks and walls.

Yes.

I said I swept the walls.

There was a gypsy moth invasion that year. It seemed like the cottony tents stretched over the branches on every tree and everywhere you looked there were caterpillars. They were gross.

Each time I opened the screen door to go out with my broom, about fifty of those nasty little critters bit the dust courtesy of the screen door of doom.

I sat on the stool at the counter after chores were done and between rushes, book on my lap, daydreaming of caterpillar-free living and eating hot dog rolls stuffed with mustard, pickles and onions*.

*I’m sure I had delightful breath.

We served the usuals; regular or sugar cones, bowls, soft-serve, dipped cones, sundaes, shakes, franks or sausages cooked on metal rollers under hot lights, and the like. There was something that was still pretty new on the ice cream scene the summer I worked there, too: Blizzards. Dairy Queen had introduced Blizzards just two years before and our little Whippy Dip crew (the owner, his daughter and I) was eager to cash in on the bonanza. My boss was savvy enough to know that he couldn’t call them Blizzards because it was a trademarked name, so he decided to call our version of the treat Flurries. Kind of a mild term comparatively, but it got the point across effectively. They sold hand over caterpillar over fist.

Our most popular choice was cookies and cream; vanilla ice cream, a splash of milk and crushed Oreos. Boy, those were good. In the years I’ve spanned between the caterpillar fighting, ice-cream flinging late eighties and now, I have to admit I haven’t given much thought to the Whippy Dip’s confections. Then yesterday, I saw a Shamrock Blizzard by Three Many Cooks over on Tasty Kitchen and it was all over but the crying. And the eating. The eating more than the crying. Have you ever tried crying over ice cream? It’s pretty darned near impossible.

I decided to do an extreme version, in honour of my caterpillar sweeping, onion and pickle chomping youth and my former boss, Mr. Worley. Into my blender went a big scoop of crunchy peanut butter, chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream, and crumbled peanut butter Oreos. (Am I alone in not having known these dangerous things existed? Oh the humanity!) Zap! went the blender. The result was a hybrid of soft and hard ice creams- thick enough to stay in the cup when flipped upside down- flecked with broken cookie bits. I scraped the contents into two waiting jars, capped them with a solid two inches of whipped cream, a drizzle of chocolate syrup and -oh dear- more crumbled Oreos.

THUD. (That was the sound of me passing out from the incredible indulgence of this not-at-all-quiescently frozen happy bomb.)

Honestly, though, I couldn’t call it a Blizzard. See, Mr. Worley? I paid attention. Blizzard? We’ve already covered that. It’s trademarked. And Flurry? Just too tame. I decided to call it a -as if there could be any other name- Whippy Dip. God bless you, Mr. Worley, wherever you are.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Whippy Dips

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Yield: 2 servings

Calories per serving: I said do not look at this!

Fat per serving: You do not want to know.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Whippy Dips

This indulgent hybrid of soft and hard ice creams- thick enough to stay in the cup when flipped upside down- is flecked with crumbled peanut butter chocolate cookie bits,capped with a solid two inches of whipped cream, a drizzle of chocolate syrup and -oh dear- more crumbled Oreos.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup crunchy or creamy peanut butter
  • 1/4 cup milk
  • 4 cups, packed, chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream
  • 6 peanut butter Oreos (or regular chocolate cream sandwich cookies)
  • whipped cream
  • chocolate syrup

Instructions

Add the peanut butter and milk to the carafe of a blender. Add the lid and blend until completely combined. Remove the lid, add the ice cream and 4 of the Oreos (lightly crumbling with your hands as you add them to the blender.) Once again, add the lid to the blender and blend on high, stopping to stir the contents occasionally, if necessary, until you have a very thick smooth ice cream mixture (somewhere in the thickness neighborhood of very cold soft-serve ice cream) flecked with crumbled cookie bits. Do not be tempted to add more milk. It will make your Whippy Dip into a milkshake!

Divide the Whippy Dip between two serving glasses, top with a generous amount of whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate syrup. Crumble one of the remaining cookies over each Whippy Dip before serving.

http://www.foodiewithfamily.com/2012/03/13/chocolate-peanut-butter-oreo-whippy-dips/

 

 

Cheddar and Chorizo Stuffed Twice Baked Potatoes and a Giveaway!

The giveaway info is below the recipe, so make like a scuba diver and keep on going down!

Some of the best food is just not pretty. It’s gooey, gloppy, brown, and not even a little bit elegant. It looks like it’s not worth the paper plate it rode in on. But when the scent wafts to your nose, when you take that first bite and the inelegance of the whole thing gives way to an explosion of flavour, it suddenly transcends the need to be another pretty dish. You plate it how you want. Heck. Sometimes you just skip a plate if the spirit moves you. It doesn’t matter as long as you get the food to your mouth. How can this happen? Isn’t there the axiom about eating with your eyes before you eat with your mouth?  I’m working on a hunch about the phenomenon, though.

I call it my Frog in a Box theory.

Everyone remembers the Looney Tunes cartoon where the down-on-his-luck, unemployed construction worker finds a frog with the extraordinary ability to sing like an angel, right? The man hoards his new found, potentially lucrative critter in an attempt to make money off of it. He goes to a talent agent’s office, talks a big game, plops the frog on the desk where he promptly delivers a resounding, “Brrrrrrrrrrrr-ibbit!” The man and his frog are bounced out on their respective ears* and once the door is slammed shut, the frog sings an aria in the hallway. Oh the frustration! Darned frog!

*Do frogs have ears? I should know this. I feel a homeschooling unit coming on…

After a few more rejections the man takes matters into his own hands and rents a theater where he resorts to trickery to bring in a crowd. (Free beer and chicken, anyone?) He gets a full house, raises the curtain, shoves the frog on stage and once more, “Brrrrrrrrr-ibbit!” The crowd exits, stage left and the frog consoles the man by singing a few popular ditties.

So here’s the deal. This dish is my Frog in a Box. No matter which light, which plating, which lens and which toppings I used, these things just plain looked ugly. And every time I took a bite, I heard a glorious choir in my head. What was a gal to do?  I don’t give up as easily as our  poor Looney Tunes construction worker. I’m posting it anyway, ugly photos and all. That blasted frog was able to escape detection but these potatoes? They’re here for everyone else to try and enjoy. Make them. Try them yourself! Stick it to the frog!

The crispy potato shell holds a creamy Cheddar, chorizo and green onion studded mashed potato filling. Eat them for breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, snack or dinner. Plate them or hold them in your hot little hands while you eat them. Have them with a proper dinner or slap a platter of them on the coffee table for the ultimate hockey or football viewing snacks. You can even make these up to the point where you’d bake them and stash them in the freezer (minus their cap of shreddy-cheddy) until you want to serve them. Top with cheese as directed and bake. How neat is that?

 

Cheddar and Chorizo Stuffed Twice Baked Potatoes and a Giveaway!

Cheddar and Chorizo Stuffed Twice Baked Potatoes and a Giveaway!

Crispy shelled, creamy Cheddar and chorizo and green onion stuffed twice baked potatoes are a great comfort food addition to your winter meal and snack repertoire. I've eaten these at breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack time and can promise they're one of the best game day snacks you could ever serve. All that and they're easy, too!

Ingredients

  • 6 leftover baked potatoes
  • 4 tablespoons softened butter
  • 1/2 cup room temperature milk or half and half
  • 4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese, divided
  • 2 1/2 cups cooked and crumbled Mexican style chorizo , divided
  • 6 green onions, cleaned and thinly sliced
  • Optional for serving:
  • sour cream
  • candied jalapenos
  • additional sliced green onions
  • salsa

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Halve each potato lengthwise. (Before halving each potato, pay attention to how it naturally lays on the cutting board so that after halving, they don't tip when placed skin side down on the pan.) Scoop most of the potato innards into a mixing bowl, just leaving enough in place to maintain the shape of the potato skin. (This means leaving about 1/4" of potato guts in place.)

Smash the potato guts together with the softened butter, milk or half and half, and 2 1/2 cups of the cheese in the mixing bowl until the potatoes are relatively smooth. Stir in the chorizo and green onions until evenly distributed.

Divide the potato filling evenly among the potato shells, spreading the filling to the edges of the potato skins. Sprinkle the remaining cheese evenly over the tops of the stuffed potatoes.

Bake for 35-40 minutes, or until the cheese is bubbling and the filling is hot all the way through. Serve as is or topped with sour cream, candied jalapenos , salsa, and sliced green onions.

http://www.foodiewithfamily.com/2011/12/08/cheddar-and-chorizo-stuffed-twice-baked-potatoes-and-a-giveaway/

 

The Giveaway!

I have a seriously fun giveaway that has me pretty excited. Okay, I lie. I’m stupidly excited about this. In the years I’ve been blogging here, you’ve gotten to know a lot about me; my book/movie/Doctor Who/music/bacon obsessions. It’s all true, but one of the biggest obsessions in my life is…

Wait for it…

Clothing. I love clothing. I love clothes far more than any woman who has carried and birthed five children has any right to be. I love all sorts of dresses- retro dresses, vintage dresses, modern, sleek, voluminous, old-fashioned, cute, sultry… Anything I can afford to buy and I can carry off I adore. I’ve long admired the selection over at Shabby Apple (you HAVE seen their website, right?) and I know from personal experience how their dresses are the kind of women’s dresses that make every woman feel like an old-fashioned movie star- glamourous, sexy, and oh-so-put-together.  Unlike my pauvre potato recipe, their designs look good in any light, any situation, and any lens that catches them.

When Shabby Apple contacted me and offered to give away a dress from a list of dresses to one of my readers I jumped on it. I might’ve even squealed a little bit. I’m telling you honestly their dresses are squeal worthy. In other words, I said yes.  Do you want to see the dress I picked to give away? Hmm? Yes? Are you excited yet? I know I’m not the only dress nut out there. Feast your eyes on this!

 

Image used courtesy of Shabby Apple

Isn’t it gorgeous? Shabby Apple describes the dress as being “Plum-colored folds of soft jersey fabric dip from the shoulders into a ruched waist that runs from bust to hip on this flouncy, ballet-inspired dress.  Perfect for traveling, this dress sports a V-neck and fully lined skirt for extra coverage, so whether at the office or on the road, you’ll feel comfortable and beautiful.” So, so true.

Anyway, let’s get down to brass tacks. To enter for a change to win this incredible dress (think holiday parties and beyond! Dress it up with a jacket and some tall boots for the office or church or a dinner date!) just head over to Shabby Apple’s Facebook Page and like them. (That’s easy enough with to-die-for dresses like that!) Then scoot back over here and leave me a comment saying you did it.

And the nice folks over at Shabby Apple don’t want anyone to feel left out. They’ve issued a coupon code just for Foodie with Family readers: foodiewithfamily10off . This code is good through January 7th, 2012, so get a-shopping. Then you can stand around in your splendid Shabby Apple dress eating one of my Frog in a Box Chorizo and Cheddar Stuffed Potatoes looking magnificent. Maybe the potatoes will even look prettier next to that dress!

The contest fine print: Shabby Apple is providing a dress for the giveaway, but all opinions about their company and their wares are my own.  With apologies to my global friends, this contest is open to US residents only. Winner will be selected using random.org on December 15th, 2011.

 

 

Strawberry Limeade

Happy First Day of Summer, everyone!

It’s sweaty, sticky, humid, sunburn season. It’s time for spreading a blanket under a tree and reclining with a great book. Prepare for baseball and swimming and frisbee and creek stomping. Make moments for hamburgers and hot dogs and steaks and shrimp on the grill, potato chips, popsicles, and ice cream cones. More than anything else, though, it is officially time for Strawberry Limeade.

This is directly inspired by my good friend Melissa. She hosted a birthday dinner party for herself a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be at her party (a whole dratted continent got in the way of me attending) but two dear mutual friends (I’m jealous of her and her) were able to represent for me. After the party, they regaled me with tales of the company, the chicken, and the white bean dip. Above all else, though, they talked about Melissa’s strawberry lemonade. And they talked. And some more. And they begged her for the recipe. And they wouldn’t. stop. talking. about. the. lemonade.*

*The Braggy Braggertons had fresh strawberries. (*Shakes fist toward California’s early produce.)

When our first New York strawberries made their appearance at our market last weekend I pounced. I leapt. I bounded. I vaulted over little old ladies and small children to get to them. The whole drive home was spent anticipating the strawberry lemonade which my friends had discussed at such length.

I got home, set up the blender, prepped the strawberries, measured sugar and water and found that I was approximately completely out of lemons and bottled lemon juice. GAH! Regroup! I had limes. Limes were good. It was going to be strawberry LIMEade. And wow.

Strawberry limeade is simply fresh, succulent strawberries blended with lime juice, sugar, and water and chilled. It doesn’t get much easier than that, but hoo boy, it is something else. Refreshing doesn’t quite cut it as an adjective. It’s strawberry writ large with a straw. We’re talking about drinkable lime-kissed strawberries. *SLURP*

I got the hype, even if I didn’t get the lemonade. So let me pull on you what my friends did on me. TRY THIS! Oh dear me, try it. Today. Make this while the strawberries are still so juicy that they burst when you put them between your teeth. Make it with lime or with lemon, but do make it.

Strawberry Limeade
Author: 
Recipe type: Beverage
Prep time: 
Total time: 

Serves: 6
 

Sweet strawberries pureed into homemade limeade and chilled make the ultimate refreshing summer beverage.
Ingredients
  • 1 pound ripe strawberries, washed, hulled and quartered
  • ½ cup granulated sugar
  • 1 cup fresh lime juice
  • up to 6 cups cold water
Optional garnish:
  • additional lime slices and strawberries

Instructions
  1. Add the strawberries, sugar and lime juice to the pitcher of your blender.
  2. Blend until completely smooth.
  3. Add 4 cups of cold water and pulse just 3 times to combine.
  4. Taste, add more water to adjust and pulse, if desired.
  5. Put the lid on the pitcher and put the pitcher into the refrigerator (or transfer into a jar with a tight fitting lid) for an hour before serving.
  6. Pour into tall glasses (*see notes), with or without ice, and garnish the rim of the glass with additional lime slices and strawberries, if desired.
  7. Serve with a straw.

Notes
*If you prefer a smooth, pulp-free limeade, you can pour it through a fine-mesh sieve or cheesecloth into a jar or pitcher with a tight fitting lid. I personally love pulp, so I leave it!

 

Pretzel Wrapped Smoked Sausages & Cranberry Mustard

I’ve made it to Challenge #4 in Project Food Blog from foodbuzz.com! I am having so much fun being part of this competition and I need to thank you so much for your continued support!  The prompt for this challenge was: “Sure, you can take a pretty picture. But your task here is to go above and beyond and use photography to create a step-by-step, instructional photo tutorial. It could be anything from how to bone a chicken to how to make your favorite recipe, but your photos need to guide the reader through the steps.”

The only chickens around here are quite alive and would probably not appreciate having their bones removed just now, so I’m opting to share one of my family’s all-time favorite foods.  Tighten up those apron strings and join in because this recipe is a must have for football or hockey viewing and upcoming holiday parties.  Maybe you should make it just because you can.  I’ve been known to do that…

A sausage in the hand is worth two on the fork.  Or so I’ve heard it said.

That everyone loves finger food is one of the immutable laws of the universe.* Portable and filling, hand-held foods are a real kid,  husband and crowd pleaser.

*The law -as written by me- states that any food that may be transferred from plate to mouth by way of hand or stick is exponentially more appealing and tasty than one which requires utensils or cutlery. I have yet to meet anyone who contests the law.

Soft pretzels and cocktail sized smoked sausages are in the upper echelon of snackery.* Soft pretzels at their best are a chewy, salty, satisfying contribution from the bread world. Cocktail sized smoked sausages offer a low-effort delectable umami punch in a cute little package.

*Their superiority is also an immutable law.  I offer proof.  What disappears first on a party buffet? If they are present, the answer is unquestionably soft pretzels and cocktail sausages. On another note, is snackery a proper word?  If not, I claim this newly coined word in the name of Foodie With Family.  I have a flag and everything.

These morsels?  These are the cream of the crop.  Pretzel Wrapped Smoked Sausages (with or without the divine Cranberry Mustard) combine the best of everything from the grab-and-go food world into two savory, chewy, dunkable, adorable-to-behold bites.  And oh, what bites they are!  This is far and away the most requested birthday, special occasion, just-because-I’m-craving-it recipe in my arsenal.

A word of caution… Make the whole batch.  Don’t be tempted to halve or quarter this because you will eat more than you thought you would and so will anyone standing around you.  That tray of pretzel sausages above was cleaned in 5 minutes flat. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about leftovers.  But, leftovers -if, by some miracle, you have them- freeze beautifully when wrapped in foil and a resealable bag.

Don’t think for a moment, though, that in the presence of such glorious snack food that this Cranberry Mustard is a throw-away recipe.  You have never had a mustard quite like this one before.  Ruby-hued, tart, thick, and sweet with that mustard pop, it compliments everything from smoked sausages to venison to roast turkey.  More unique than its lovely color is the fact that, unlike most homemade mustards that have to age for weeks, this one is ready to eat straight from the pan.  May I make a suggestion that will have you naming your next-born children after me? Have Cranberry Mustard at your next Thanksgiving table.  I have six words to say  that will convince you: Leftover turkey sandwiches with Cranberry Mustard. I believe that says it all, no?

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of these recipes, click here!

Pretzel Wrapped Smoked Sausages

Yield: About 76 pieces.

Ingredients for the pretzel dough (Ingredients and bread machine method from the Bread Lover’s Bread Machine Cookbook):

  • 4 cups (1 pound and 1 ounce by weight) bread flour (High-gluten flour)
  • 1 tablespoon malt powder or sugar
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1 1/4 teaspoons Kosher salt
  • 2 1/4 teaspoons instant yeast

Ingredients for the pretzel bath:

  • 2 quarts water
  • 2 tablespoons baking soda

Additional Ingredients:

  • 2 (14 ounce) packages cocktail-sized smoked sausages
  • 1 egg white whisked together with 1 tablespoon of cool water until frothy
  • coarse salt

Optional:

  • melted butter for brushing the finished pretzels

To prepare pretzel dough with a bread machine:

Add all pretzel dough ingredients into the pan of the bread machine according to manufacturer’s instructions.

Program the bread machine for the dough cycle and press ‘start’.  Allow the machine to complete the cycle.

This is how the dough looks when it is completed.  If you are using one of the alternate dough preparations listed below, your dough should still be smooth and elastic like this.

To prepare pretzel dough with a stand-mixer:

Fit your stand mixer with a dough hook. Add all of the pretzel dough ingredients to the work bowl. Turn the stand mixer on using the lowest setting.  Keep the mixer on ‘low’ for 6 minutes.  After 6 minutes, remove the dough hook from the bowl.  Cover with a damp tea towel.  Allow the dough to rise in a warm, draft-free place until puffy and doubled in bulk; about 35 minutes.

To prepare pretzel dough by hand:

Add dry pretzel dough ingredients to a large mixing bowl and mix lightly with a whisk.  Add the milk and water to the bowl and stir well with a sturdy spoon until a shaggy dough forms.  Turn out onto a lightly floured counter top and knead until a smooth and elastic dough forms.  Place in a clean bowl covered with a damp tea towel. Allow the dough to rise in a warm, draft-free place until puffy and doubled in bulk; about 35 minutes.

To assemble the pretzel wrapped sausages:

Empty the sausages into a bowl for easiest access. Line 3 half-sheet pans with parchment paper.  Spray the parchment paper lightly with non-stick cooking spray.  Set aside.

Turn the risen dough out onto a clean counter top. (Do not flour the counter top!)  Use a bench knife or spatula to pinch or cut off a piece of dough about the size of a ping pong ball.  Cover the bulk of the dough with a clean towel to keep it from drying.

Squash the piece of dough flat.  Using the pads of your fingers and the palms of your hands, roll the piece of dough back and forth, gently moving hands away from each other. If you call on your play-dough snake making experience to get the right feel for the movement you’re on the right track.

Continue rolling the dough until it forms a long cord with a diameter of about 1/4-1/2 of an inch.  Hold the end of the dough cord to the end of the cocktail sausage with one hand. Use the other hand to coil the pretzel dough around the sausage down to the other end.

Use a bench knife or spatula to cut the excess dough cord.

Wind the last bit of dough cord tightly at the end and pinch the loose ends  into the dough coil. Don’t worry about perfection.  You’re working with sausages and pretzel dough.  Whether it ends up a perfect finished coil or not it will still taste like a dream!

Place, pinched sides down, on the prepared parchment lined pans.  Let rise, uncovered, for 30 minutes.

To boil and bake the pretzel wrapped sausages:

While the pretzel dough is rising, preheat oven to 400°F and bring 2 quarts of water to a boil in a large pot.  Add the baking soda to the boiling water.  Carefully lower up to 8 pretzel dough wrapped sausages into the boiling water with your hands.  Take care not to drop them from on high as that will cause the boiling water to splash.  Allow them to simmer for about 45 seconds. The pretzel dough will become puffy and some ends may come untucked.  As soon as you reach this stage…

…Use a slotted spoon to lift each piece from the water, drain and return to the pans.  Brush each piece with the frothy egg wash.

Remember that the sausage is already salty, so use a light hand in sprinkling the coarse salt.

Bake the trays for 16 minutes each, or until the pretzels are a glossy golden brown.  Remove from the oven.  If desired, brush the finished pretzels with melted butter and cool for 5 minutes before transferring the pretzel sausages to a serving platter.

Cranberry Mustard

Adapted gently from The Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving

Yield: A little over 8 ounces.

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup red wine vinegar
  • 1/3 cup yellow mustard seeds
  • 1 1/3 cups fresh or frozen cranberries
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon dry mustard powder
  • 2 generous pinches ground allspice

Bring red wine vinegar to a boil in a stainless steel pan.  Remove from heat, add yellow mustard seeds, swirl the pan and cover tightly.  Let the pan sit at room temperature for about an hour or until the seeds have absorbed almost all of the red wine vinegar. Scrape the soaked seeds into a blender or food processor fitted with a stainless steel blade.

Process until most of the seeds have been crushed.  Do not process until completely smooth as you still want a grainy texture with some whole seeds.  Add the cranberries, Worcestershire sauce and water and process until the cranberries are finely chopped.  Here is where you start getting an idea of just how gorgeous this mustard will be.

Use a silicone or rubber spatula to scrape the cranberry/mustard seed mixture back into the stainless steel pan.  Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly.  Boil gently for 5 minutes.

Whisk in the sugar, mustard powder and allspice until completely incorporated. Simmer until reduced by third, about 5-10 minutes.  Transfer into a clean jar with a tight fitting lid.

The mustard is ready to use immediately, but can be stored in the refrigerator for up to a month. This is the only mustard I’ve ever found myself sneaking by the spoonful straight from the jar.  Yes, it is that good.

This is my fourth entry in Project Food Blog over at Foodbuzz.com. Did you like this recipe and the post?  I’d appreciate your vote of support! Voting is now open.  To show your support for Foodie With Family, you can click here or on the orange “Vote for Me” tab in the Official Project Food Blog Contestant widget in the upper right sidebar. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting me this far and for your continued support!

Ham and Cheese Bites

This past weekend I officially became my mother.

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you’re aware that I am the eldest child in a large family that includes a baby sister.  This baby sister of mine is still in high school.  Sadly, she is not hopelessly stupid.  No, she’s in high school because she’s younger than I am (*cough* much younger *cough*).  And I might’ve mentioned that my Mom is fun before, right? Well, Mom throws massive parties for my little sister.  Loads of teenage girls and food and games at her house.  And birthdays?  Whoah.  There have been years where she’s allowed Airlia to have eight or ten girls sleep over.  She did this for me and for each and every one of my siblings. And for this, I mocked my Mom mercilessly.

“Geez, Mom!  Why can’t you say no?  You’re going to be exhausted!  Do they even appreciate everything you do? You’re making them WHAT to eat?  Holy Cow!”

And Mom would respond with a smile and a shrug and say, “I like it!”

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

Last week the boys were bemoaning the fact that they hadn’t been able to get together with their friends as much as usual.  Before I knew what I was doing her words popped out of my mouth, “Hey!  Why don’t you each invite a couple friends over on Saturday and I’ll make pizza!  It’ll be fun!”  That last sentence barely got through my lips before I clamped my hands over my mouth.  But it was already too late.  In the time it took me to pick myself up off the floor they had each invited a couple friends.  How many?  I really had no idea.

A quick glance at the calendar showed me that I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for that morning.  “Guys?  Hey guys?  Could you come here for a second?” I called, thinking I still had time to back out…  Five bright, shining faces turned toward me… “Um, never mind…” I mumbled.  I could get the blood work done, do the grocery shopping, come home and make pizza for a crowd before three, right?

Saturday morning dawned and I rolled myself out of bed to get to the doctor’s office right as they opened.  Several vials of blood and a “WOW!  I’ve never seen anybody bruise like YOU before!” from the phlebotomist later, I hurried toward the grocery store.  I tarried a little looking over packages, stocked up in the meat department, grabbed mozzarella and extra Bandaids and headed for the register.  And it was there I realized I didn’t have my debit card.  “No problem!” said I to self. “I’ll just use a check.”  I was out of checks.

I zoned out for a moment or two then snapped back into gear.  I asked the clerk to put my cart in the walk-in while I ran to the bank.  She obliged and I burned rubber.  The kind ladies at the bank printed out a check or two for me and I retraced my trail back to the store.  They retrieved my cart while I wrote out the check.  The cashier ran the check through the little machine.  Then she ran it through again.  Then againandagainandagainandagainandagain.  “Hmmm, it doesn’t look like it’s working,” said the clerk.  She beckoned for the head cashier who repeated the againandagainandagain performance and then also announced that it wasn’t working.  They called the manager over the PA system. *

*Important sidebar:  Have you ever noticed that some people have no idea how to use Public Address Systems?  They labour under the misconception that you must French kiss the microphone for it to work.  What she actually said was, “Manager on three. Three?  Manager needed on three.  Three.” Why she needed to repeat the check-out aisle number was beyond me. Between her awkward phrasing and the fact that the microphone was practically down her throat, it ended up sounding like, “Manager I pee-pee?  Manager need egg. I pee-pee.”  But I digress…

God love him, that manager got there as quickly as he could, but it still took him a while.  And he too ran the check through the machine several times before asking, “Was this transaction suspended?  You can’t pay with a check if the transaction has been suspended.”  He offered  to void every item in my cart and re-ring it so I could use my check.  Thirty minutes later, I exited the store with my groceries and went home as quickly as the speed limit would allow.  On the drive home, I called my sister and recounted what I had done that morning and told her about the upcoming party.

“Ha!” said my sympathetic sister, Jessamine. “You’re just like Mom!  You and a party?  You don’t know how many are coming?  You. Are. Exactly. Like. Mom!”

I thoughtfully responded, “No I’m not!  Mom always plans games.  I didn’t plan any games!”

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

So to recap, I had a large-ish blood draw that morning, messed up by not having a debit card or checks with me to pay for crucial ingredients for that afternoon’s pizza party, broke the grocery store’s system and was on my way home to whip up food for a crowd of as-yet-undetermined size.  Are you with me?

I got home and changed into a summery dress.*

*One more sidebar.  I can’t wear clothing that I’ve worn to a doctor’s office or hospital before they’ve been washed again.  I mean, come on!  They’re like big old petri dishes. Someone else needs to tell me they do the same thing right now.  Someone?  Hello?

As I stood propped against my counter in the kitchen making an octuple batch of pizza dough (and I’m not exaggerating.  I told you.  I didn’t know how many people were coming and NO ONE goes hungry at my house on account of me…) the boys entered the room.  One (or more… Who could tell?  I was woozy.) said, “Hey!  That dress looks just like one Nana would wear.”  And at that moment I realized they were totally right.  I. Was. Exactly. Like. Mom.

But you know what?  I smiled, shrugged and said, “I like it!”

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

Let me tell you.  The party was a total success.  And at our finest hour, we had seventeen kids running around, through, and over our home and property.  That’s 1-7.  Or 10 plus 7.  Or my five kids in addition to twelve kids who sprang from other people’s loins.  Sorry.  Is that unappetizing?

I had turned out a gallon of iced tea (supplemented by a gallon from my brilliant friend, Lisa), a gallon of lemonade and a gallon of Arnold Palmers, three sheet pizzas (one pepperoni and cheese, one cheese only, and one bacon and pineapple and onion beauty) one fifteen-inch round pizza (feta and spinach and hot pepper and olive and bacon) and two nine-by-thirteen pans full of Chaos in the Kitchen‘s brilliant pizza bites. By the time the crowd broke up and went home we had exactly ZERO leftovers.

My kids looked at me, gratefulness in their eyes for such a fun time, and said, “We’re starved!”

I had a little dough left from the pizza bites, a pound of ham-off-the-bone and a few cubes of cheese sitting around, so I threw together my take on the aforementioned pizza bites; Ham and Cheese Bites.

The Ham and Cheese Bites were inhaled by my poor-long-suffering children who went to bed five minutes later, starving once again…

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of this recipe minus the blahdy-blahdy, click here!

 

Ham and Cheese Bites

adapted from Chaos in the Kitchen’s Pizza Bites

Yield: 30 Ham and Cheese Bites

Ingredients:

  • Double batch of homemade pizza dough (see recipe below) or 2 packages of purchased pizza dough
  • 30 wafer-thin slices of deli ham
  • 30 (1/2″ to 3/4″) cubes Swiss cheese
  • 30 (1/2″ to 3/4″) cubes Mozzarella cheese
  • 4 Tablespoons olive oil, divided
  • 2 Tablespoons semolina flour or corn meal (for sprinkling the pan), divided
  • 4 Tablespoons butter
  • 1 teaspoon dried chives
  • 3/4 teaspoon granulated onion
  • 1/2 teaspoon granulated garlic
  • 1/4 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning or seasoning salt

Divide the pizza dough into 30 equal-ish pieces.  Let rest.

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Lay out one piece of deli ham.  Top with a cube each of mozzarella and Swiss cheese.

Tuck the ham around the cheese to form a little packet.

Place on a plate. Repeat with remaining ham and cheese.  Set the plate aside.

Drizzle 2 tablespoons of olive oil over the bottom of a 9″x13″ rimmed baking pan.  Repeat in another pan with the other olive oil.  Sprinkle 1 Tablespoon over the olive oil in each of the pans.

Working with one piece of dough at a time, spread out into a circle (or blob) roughly twice the size of your ham packets.  If the dough tears, do your best to patch the holes. Lay a packet of ham and cheese, seam side down, on the dough.

Pull the corners of the dough up toward the top of the ham and squeeze dough together to enclose the ham.

Pinch the dough closed at the seams and make sure there are no openings.  Place the dough, pinched side down, in the prepared pans.  Repeat with the remaining dough, making five rows of three dough balls in each pan.

Place the butter, chives, onion, garlic, and seasoning salt into a small microwave-safe dish.  Warm in the microwave until the butter is melted.  Stir together with a fork and brush over the dough.

Place pans into hot oven and bake for 25 minutes, or until golden brown.  Some cheese may leak out of the bread and bubble up.  This is most definitely not a problem.  Call cook’s dibs on the crunchy cheese bits.

If desired, you can brush again with any leftover butter when you remove the pans from the oven. Allow to rest for five minutes before removing from the pans.  Serve warm with your favorite sauce.  Ours is listed below…

Creamy Horseradish Mustard Dip

You can serve this on sandwiches and no one will hate you for it.  No need to restrict it to the Ham and Cheese Bites…

Ingredients:

  • 2 Tablespoons mayonnaise
  • 2 Tablespoons prepared horseradish mustard
  • 1 Tablespoon smooth Dijon mustard

Stir all ingredients together with a fork or a small whisk.  Store unused portions tightly covered in the refrigerator.

Semolina Pizza Dough

adapted from The King Arthur Flour Baker’s Companion

Ingredients:

  • 1-3/4 cups (7-3/8 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour
  • 1-1/4 cups (7-1/8 ounces) coarse semolina flour
  • 1-1/2 teaspoons instant yeast
  • 1-1/2 teaspoons Kosher salt
  • 2 Tablespoons olive oil
  • 1-1/4 cups (10 ounces) water

In a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook (or in a large bowl with a wooden spoon) mix together all the dough ingredients until a soft, cohesive dough forms.  It will not be perfectly smooth, it should have a rather rough appearance.  Cover and let the dough raise for an hour at room temperature.  At this point, you can use the dough or refrigerate it for up to 36 hours.

 

 

Amish Cookies

This is the face of a monster.

Merciless.

This is a face that destroys on a whim.

Unyielding.

This is a face that -without pause- devastates the entire population…

Of cookie jars.

This is my cookie monster baby.

Allow me to illustrate.  The Evil Genius and I went to Houston before Christmas and the boys’ soon-to-be-nominated-for-sainthood Nana (a.k.a. My Mom) babysat the entire mini-horde.  My Mom is fun.  All kinds of fun.  Proof?  This is her just last month.

That’s right.  That’s MY mom, on the climbing wall of a playground, wearing a skirt and cotton shoes.  I told you she was all kinds of fun.

But I was telling you about the cookie monster.

Nana had plans for these boys.  They were going to sled, camp in the living room, hike through the snow, play board games, make glue and poster board collages, eat homemade pizza, go to her favorite coffee house,watch movies, make Christmas ornaments and decorate Christmas cookies while having a frosting war.* And they were going to accomplish this in three days.  Did I mention my mom is fun?

*A frosting war is a Christmas tradition started by my mom wherein she flings frosting at the children and they fling it back at her.  It involves a great amount of butter, laughter, sugar and paper towels.

The time came for the Christmas cookies.  According to reports, the boys all enthusiastically decorated a double batch of sugar cookies shaped like trees, bells, gingerbread men and whatnot.  When the job was done and the cookies were stacked to be nibbled after dinner, the whole company retired to the living room to fulfill the ‘watching movies’ portion of the programme.

Forty-five minutes into the movie, Liam asked, “Where’s Leif?”

Leif was discovered in the kitchen with a plate empty of cookies (save one), sticky fingers and a smile that stretched from the tip of one pink ear to the other.  And a fierce sugar buzz.  Leif killed the Christmas cookies.

Today’s cookie recipe is one that I watched my Grandma make hundreds of times at the camp where I lived as a child.* Hey.  My Grandma is fun, too.  (My Mom learned from the best, you know.) I ate my way through more of these cookies than I could ever count as a kid and I’m still in love with them.

*Lake Louise United Methodist Camp.  Shout out to Boyne Falls, Michigan!

I’m not sure why these were called Amish Cookies but I have a guess.  They make abundant use of humble ingredients to turn out a cookie that manages to be  delicately caramel flavored, crisp on the outside, chewy on the inside and surprisingly sturdy all at the same time..  These cookies don’t fall apart when you dunk them in a tall glass of cold milk.  And they hold together beautifully when crammed into my apron pockets for stolen bites when the kids aren’t looking.  I do believe these are the perfect cookies.

The recipe, as written by my Grandma, suggests chocolate chips, raisins, nuts, chopped dates, coconut and other goodies as stir-ins.  Around these parts, I split the cookie dough into two bowls and stir raisins into one half and chocolate chips into the other.  This makes everyone happy; including the cookie monster.

And if I find that I’ve let down my guard and left the room before securing the cookies I don’t panic.  If my little monster eats his way through a cooling rack of these, at least I’ll have snuck some fruit and oats into him.

For a printer-friendly, photo-free, just-the-facts version of this recipe, click here!

Amish Cookies

Adapted from my Grandma Shaffer’s Lake Louise Amish Cookies recipe.

Ingredients:

  • 3/4 cup softened butter (6 ounces)
  • 3/4 cup coconut oil or shortening (6 ounces)
  • 2 cups granulated sugar (14 ounces by weight)
  • 1 large egg
  • 1/3 cup molasses (3 1/2 ounces)
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 3- 1/2 cups all purpose flour (15 ounces by weight)
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 1 Tablespoon baking soda (not a misprint!)
  • 1 Tablespoon baking powder (also not a misprint!)
  • 3 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
  • 1/2 cup buttermilk (Don’t forget, you can make your own!)
  • Optional: 1 -1/2 cups of any of the following ingredients: chocolate chips, nuts, raisins, coconut, chopped dates, dried cherries, or chocolate chunks.

Preheat oven to  350°F.

In the bowl of a stand mixer or in a large mixing bowl with a hand mixer, cream together the butter, and coconut oil or shortening on low speed until they the sugar starts combining with the fat.  Turn the mixer to medium high speed and whip until the mixture is fluffy and the sugar is completely distributed.

Add the egg, molasses and vanilla extract to the butter and beat on medium speed until even.

In a separate bowl, use a whisk to combine the flour, salt, cinnamon, baking soda and powder, and the rolled oats.  Add this to the butter mixture along with the buttermilk and beat until thoroughly combined.  Stir in the optional goodies.

On a greased or parchment lined cookie sheet, drop generously rounded tablespoons of the cookie dough three inches apart. Form the cookie dough into balls.

Use a flat bottomed drinking glass dipped in sugar to gently flatten the cookie dough.

Bake for 10 minutes, or until the bottoms and edges of the cookies are lightly browned and the cookies are set. Allow cookies to rest on the cookie sheets for one minute before transferring to a cooling rack.  Store cooled cookies in an airtight container at room temperature.

…And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t leave this little guy in the room alone with a batch of these cookies…

Peanut Butter Balls

Hi friends!  The last few weeks have been maddeningly busy.  We’ve done a lot of work on our house and property, camped, traveled, been visited, and had animal crises.  I hope I have a chance in the next couple of weeks to settle back into a regular blogging routine.  With all the fresh produce hitting the markets, I have so many delicious recipes to share with you.  Until then, please enjoy this short but sweet (har har.  I crack me up.) recipe. And the sweet quick giveaway at the end.  Read on!

Peanut butter + Chocolate= Bliss

I cannot think of a combination that makes me happier.  There’s just something about the salt and the sweet and the creamy and the crunchy all together that makes my heart go pitter pat.  And making Peanut Butter Balls is one of my favorite ways to get that peanut butter and chocolate fix.  Chocolate chips, peanut butter, condensed milk and confectioner’s sugar all in one happy little portable package? It’s like an inside-out Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Oh baby.  Since it’s made with peanut butter it’s healthy, right? (Don’t you DARE tell me it’s not healthy.  Please don’t mess with my happy thoughts…) Even better, these little babies don’t melt in your hands!

This is one of the foods that we take camping with us every single time without fail.  It just wouldn’t be a family camping trip for us without the ubiquitous Peanut Butter Balls.  They are the perfect camping snack fare since they are high-protein and easily transportable.  It’s not just camp food, though.  It makes the perfect summer snack, too, since it requires zero cooking, and can be safely transported without a cooler.

Make these.  Today.  And then make another batch to fill the bowl since you hid in the broom closet so you could eat the entire first batch by yourself.  No.  Wait.  That was me.  Sorry.

For a photo-free, printer friendly version of this recipe, click here!

Peanut Butter Balls

For a healthier version of the recipe, use the honey and non-fat instant dry milk.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup creamy or crunchy style peanut butter (I prefer all-natural peanut butter)
  • 1/2 cup sweetened condensed milk or honey
  • 1/2 cup powdered sugar or non-fat instant dry milk
  • 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Add all ingredients together in a large mixing bowl.

peanutbutterballs1

Stir well until evenly combined. At first you might think it’ll never come together…

peanutbutterballs2

Just when you’ve decided that you measured wrong, (“I mean, really, how am I supposed to roll THIS stuff?”)  it’ll come together and look like this!

peanutbutterballs3

Do you have a disher laying around? (In other words, a scoop.)

peanutbutterballs4Is this crucial to the recipe?  Certainly not, but it definitely makes the process go a little quicker.  If you don’t have one you can just scoop up portions of the peanut butter mix with a serving spoon.  No harm, no foul!

Scoop a teaspoon of the mixture into the palm of your hand.  Use both hands to roll lightly until it forms a ball.  Set onto a plate or into a container.

peanutbutterballs7

Repeat with the remaining peanut butter mixture until you have used it all.

peanutbutterballs8

Store uneaten peanut butter balls in a tightly lidded container in the refrigerator.  Can be left out at room temperature for several hours without problems!  Like they’ll last that long…

But wait!  I mentioned a giveaway, right?  I love my disher.  I use it all the time.  It scoops cookie dough, meatballs, peanut butter balls (washed between each use, of course) and anything else I can think of that I want in adorable little scoops. I love it dearly.  And I want you to have one if you don’t already.  So just because I’m feeling full of beans today and also because my birthday is this week I’m giving away a small scoop disher like the one I used above.  Specifically, this one:

414168B787L._AA280_Do you want it?  Here’s what you do.  Just leave a comment below.  Tell me what you’d make using one of these.  If you wouldn’t use it but would give it as a gift, let me know that, too.  Or if you have no idea what you’d use it for just say something silly.  Preferably in the form of a haiku.  Because after Peanut Butter Balls and dishers, haikus are my favorite.

Da Rules and Da Info:

  1. Please have a continental U.S. shipping address handy.  I can’t ship this to Alaska, Hawaii, Canada or Mexico.  Sorry to my far away and/or cross-border friends.
  2. Please don’t be my relative if you enter.  (Well, shoot, if you want to join the family we’ll welcome you.  We just won’t give you a disher.  Or maybe we will… Just not ’til Christmas.)
  3. You can comment as often as you like, but there will only be one entry per person. I mean it.
  4. Contest is open until Wednesday, 12 EST.
  5. This is a contest sponsored by yours truly.  No corporations were exploited, harmed or otherwise injured in the course of this contest.

Purple Cow Smoothies

It is simply gorgeous outside here today.  And for that reason, I will not be long winded here.  (And there was much rejoicing…)  My kids are standing on the porch, pressing their faces against the window asking me when I’ll be out.  They’re also waiting for their smoothies so I have to make like a bird here, and fly.

When I was a wee thing my favorite snacks and desserts were milk shakes, purple cows, and my Mom’s version of an Orange Julius.  There is something so exciting about using the blender to whip up dessert.  It seemed like such alchemy to put all those bumpy, multi-textured ingredients into the carafe and spin it into perfectly smooth thing of beauty.  Plus I just dug anything I could drink with a straw.

A couple years ago I realized -and not for the first time, I might add- that my mother is a genius.  Look at the list of ingredients that go into a Purple Cow: plain yogurt, frozen bananas, and grape juice concentrate.  That’s it.  It’s cheap.  It’s simple.  It blows the doors off of most other snacks in terms of nutritive value.  The yogurt gives you protein, calcium, magnesium, riboflavin, vitamins B-6 and B-12, and vitamin D.  The bananas give you vitamin B6, vitamin C, potassium, dietary fiber, and manganese.  The grape juice concentrate gives you a power punch of vitamin C and antioxidants.  Not only that, but Purple Cows take 5 minutes or less, start to finish.  Thank you, Mom.

 

My kids are clinging impatiently to my thighs while I take this picture, 'scuse the angle.

My kids are clinging impatiently to my thighs while I take this picture, 'scuse the angle.

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of this recipe, click here!

 

Purple Cow Smoothies

 

    Prep time: 5 minutes or lessCooking time: NA 

    Yield: 4-8 servings, depending on desired size

    Ingredients:

     

     

     

    • The Evil Genius says he doesn't like this picture 'because it's tilty like Batman'.  I says I like the picture because, well, 'it's tilty like Batman'.  See?  Opposites attract.

      The Evil Genius says he doesn't like this picture 'because it's tilty like Batman'. I says I like the picture because, well, 'it's tilty like Batman'. See? Opposites attract.

       

  • 4 cups plain yogurt, divided
  • 1 (11.5 ounce) container frozen 100% Grape Juice concentrated, divided
  • 3 frozen bananas (peeled prior to freezing, if available)
    • Place yogurt, bananas, and grape juice concentrate in the blender jar.

      If the juice concentrate fights you, just stick a spoon in there and show it who is boss.

      If the juice concentrate fights you, just stick a spoon in there and show it who is boss.

      You don't have to make your own yogurt, but it's awfully fun and it tastes awesome.  Did I mention it's cheap, too?

      You don't have to make your own yogurt, but it's awfully fun and it tastes awesome. Did I mention it's cheap, too?

      Place lid on the blender and blend on high speed until smooth.

      You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round.  Like a record, baby...

      You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round. Like a record, baby...

      If the blender is struggling, turn off, remove the lid and stir, add a little cold water or milk, replace the lid and blend again. Divide smoothies between serving glasses.
      If it weren't for missing out on the straw and flirting with brain freeze I'd pour this straight into my mouth.

      If it weren't for missing out on the straw and flirting with brain freeze I'd pour this straight into my mouth.

      Add straws and slurp away!

      Don't lick the blade.  Just don't.

      Don't lick the blade. Just don't.

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