I’ve gone back and forth on whether to do this post for a while, so let me put it in reverse for a bit and explain. A friend of mine suggested that I run a regular Question and Answer post here on Foodie With Family. She also told me I was like a 100 year old lady who knew everything. This was meant as and accepted as a compliment. I. love. old. ladies.
I’ve used state-of-the-art photo editing to give you an idea of what I’d look like at 100. To see the effects of my hours upon hours of work, scroll down after viewing what I look like now…
Are you ready?
This is what I will look like at the ripe old age of 100.
But there I go again. I know that I have a un-curb-able tendency to go off on wild tangents. And sometimes those tangents take me away from points that could do with some answering. For instance, I’ve put ‘measure uncooked rice into a clean, dry container’ more than once. Why?
Allow me to set the scene:
I’m standing in the kitchen measuring cups of dry rice into the rice cooker.
Talking to self: “One… Two… Three…”
Liam enters the room: “Hey Mom! What time will dinner be?”
Me: “Sixish.” (Thinking to self “ACK! Where was I? Oh yes… Four…”)
Liam: “How many pieces of fish can I have? Please say two or three or four!”
Me: “Liam! I’m trying to count! I can’t remember how many cups of rice I had in here!”
Liam staring deep into my eyes and speaking hypnotically: “Forty five. You had twenty three. I believe you said twelve.”
I gave him the stink eye, dumped the rice back into my container, banished my son from the kitchen and started over.
Now, if I had added liquid to the rice first, I would’ve sat around the cooker biting my nails wondering whether I was going to end up with fluffy rice, glue or little pebbles. Leaving aside the fact that it’s bad form to add water to the pot or cooker before you add rice (because there is a fool proof method for determining how much water should be added to any amount of rice) I don’t like to combine stress with my cooking. It’s bad for the digestion.
I have to say, it’s not as though I don’t get questioned enough during the course of a day. As a homeschooling mom of five little boys, believe you me I get the questions. My boys’ questions, however, tend to stem from situations like me applying lipstick in the morning.
Leif: “MOM! Is dat da kind of lipstick where you put your lips in your mouth and take them back out?”
(What?!?)
Liam: “You’re putting on lipstick? Are we going somewhere?”
Me: “We’re not going anywhere.”
Liam: “Then why are you putting on lipstick? Is someone coming over?”
Me: “No one is coming over and we’re not going anywhere.”
Liam: “Then why the lipstick? Something’s fishy!”
Aidan: “Mom’s putting on lipstick? Where are we going?”
Ty: “You’re not going to kiss me are you?”
Rowan: “I wanna kiss!”
Liam: “Something’s going to happen. She put on lipstick.”
Ty: “I tell you she’s going to kiss us.”
Leif: “Did you take your lips back out yet?”
(What?@!?!@?)
Aidan: “No. That’s not her ‘going somewhere’ lipstick. That’s the boring stuff. Are you almost done, Mom? I hafta go to the bathroom.”
Ty: “She looks like she’s ready to kiss! RUN!”
Everyone but Rowan: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYEEEEEEE!”
Rowan: “Hi Mommy. Can I have a kiss now?”
I wouldn’t mind questions that a.) came from adults and b.) didn’t make me question my personal grooming habits.
So here’s the skinny. Is there something I started to explain and didn’t finish that you’re itching to know? Do you have a recipe you’ve been searching for high and low? Do you have a question about any of my recipes? Do you want to know why I insist on saving the root end of onions? Do you want to know what my all-time favorite food (favorite kitchen tool, favorite candy bar) is? Do you want to know the simple, cheap, no-elbow-grease way I clean baked on crud from pans? Have at it! Fire away!
And no. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to kiss you.
Smooch.
