Routines can be good things, but getting them to become routine is the tricky bit. And fitting everything extra (cooking, planning, friends, activities) into this fresh Fall routine?  Hoo boy. It makes me feel a little [...]]]> Wake. Breakfast. School. Work.  Snack. School. Work. Lunch. School. Work. Snack. Work. Chores. Play. Dinner. Play. Bed. Repeat 4 times.  Weekend.

Routines can be good things, but getting them to become routine is the tricky bit. And fitting everything extra (cooking, planning, friends, activities) into this fresh Fall routine?  Hoo boy. It makes me feel a little panicky.

Feeling panicky fires up my organizational thinking.  Give me boxes.  Give me label guns.  Give me a freezer full of quick meals.  Watch me go people!

Stocking your freezer with items that can form the base of a fast homemade meal is a sanity saver.  And please.  Pretty please, don’t suggest once-a-month cooking to me.  I’ve tried it.  I failed. Miserably.  I am a fickle girl and while I approach it with enthusiasm, I fall down on it for the same reason that I can’t shop for a month at a time.  My solution is to make rubber chicken meal starters; big batches of food that form the base of many quick meals.

I’ve got a kids-of-all-ages pleasing, time-saving, budget-friendly, brain-soothing rubber chicken meal that all starts with a lip-smacking Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Meal Starter. Once you have this meal starter under your belt you can stir it into macaroni and cheese, top a pita-bread or pizza dough with it and pile on some grated cheese before baking it then tossing on chopped tomatoes and onions for a quick cheeseburger pizza, scoop it up with tortilla chips for some barbecue bacon cheeseburger nachos for game day*.) But today?  Today is all about the Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches.

Oh yes, my dears.  I am about to make you very popular.  Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches do everything but your windows.  They make a fantastic brown-bag lunch (if you have access to a way to heat it at lunch time), great dinner-on-the-go, incomparable hand-held tailgating (or sports watching) snack food, and they’re freezer friendly to boot.  By removing the sandwiches from the oven a few minutes early and wrapping with foil before freezing, you have the foundation for a meal that is done in thirty minutes or less on hand.  I tell you that if you serve these with a big pile of Cowboy Candy you will be a certifiable super star.  Gimme a high-five!*

*I have a decidedly geeky habit of high-fiving.  My kids and high-school senior sister have tried to cool-ify my high-fives by adding a fist-bump and some slide-y action afterward and telling me not to yell, ‘HIGH FIVE!’ with it but I fear they’ve only succeeded in pointing out that no matter what I do, I will never, ever be cool again. My food, however, is crazy cool. Because all my cool is poured into my food there is none left for me.  It’s a price I’m willing to pay.

So let’s recap.  Cook this big batch of meal starter (you already won because it has BACON in it!).  Divide it up into smaller portions and freeze or refrigerate those portions.  Use one portion to make Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches (a meal-starter in and of themselves because they freeze like a dream.  A dream I tell you!).  Are you excited yet?  I am.  Let’s get cooking…

HIGH FIVE!

For a photo-free, printer-friendly version of this recipe click here!

(The printer-friendly version of the recipe contains instructions on preparing the bread dough by hand or by stand-mixer.)

To Make Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches

Ingredients:

• 3 cups Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Meal Starter (see recipe below)
• 1 batch of Buttermilk Sandwich Bread dough or 2 pounds thawed frozen or other bread dough of your choice. (See recipe for bread dough below.)
• 1 egg beaten with 1 Tablespoon water (for egg wash.)

Optional:

• Sesame seeds, poppy seeds or minced onion for topping

Preheat oven to 400°F.  Line a large baking sheet with a piece of parchment paper.  Set aside.

On a lightly floured surface, divide the bread dough into 12 even pieces.  Roll each piece into a ball.  Working with one piece of dough at a time, flatten bread dough into a circle that is about 1/4″ thick.  Place about 1/4 cup of the meat filling into the center of the dough circle.  Gather up the edges of the dough around the filling and cinch to seal.  Place seam side down on the parchment lined pan.  Repeat until all the dough is used.

Gently cover the dough with a piece of lightly oiled plastic wrap or a damp tea towel.  Let rise in a warm place for 15 minutes or until slightly puffy.  Brush with the egg wash and sprinkle with any desired toppings.

Slide the pan into the preheated oven on the center rack.  Bake for 18-24 minutes, rotating the pan 180 degrees halfway through the cooking time, or until the rolls are deep brown and shiny and the bread is cooked all the way through. Remove the pan from the oven and let the rolls rest on the pan for 5 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.  Let the rolls rest at least 15 minutes before eating.

If you wish to freeze the rolls remove them from the oven about 5 minutes early and let cool completely on the pan before putting the pan directly into the freezer.  When the rolls are frozen through (about 6 hours), wrap each one in foil and transfer to a resealable freezer bag.  Kept like this in the freezer they will be good for about 3 months.  To reheat, place foil wrapped rolls on a pan and heat in a preheated 400°F oven for 15 minutes.  After 15 minutes, open the foil so the rolls are exposed and continue heating until hot all the way through.

Big Batch Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Meal Starter

Yield: 5 meals worth of starter

Ingredients:

• 5 pounds 90% lean ground beef
• 1 pound sliced smoked bacon, cut into 1/2″ strips
• 2 cups ketchup
• 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• 2 Tablespoons prepared yellow mustard
• 3-5 cloves of garlic, peeled and minced
• 1 teaspoon Kosher salt
• 1/4-1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• 4 cups shredded Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese
• freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Optional:

• 1 small onion, peeled and finely chopped

In a very large skillet (or a stove-top safe roasting pan over two burners) cook the bacon strips over medium heat, stirring frequently, until deeply colored and crispy. Use a slotted spoon to transfer the crisp bacon to a paper towel lined plate.  Cover the plate with foil and set aside.  Drain most of the fat from the pan, leaving about 1 Tablespoon, and return the pan to medium heat.

(If using the optional onions, add them to the pan now.)

Break up the ground beef into the pan.  Cook the beef, stirring and breaking up large clumps of the beef, until the beef is browned and no longer pink in the center.  If necessary (if there is a lot of liquid or fat remaining after browning the beef), drain the beef in a colander, wipe the additional fat from the pan, and return the drained beef to the pan.

Lower the heat on the pan to medium low and add the ketchup, sugar, cider vinegar, mustard, garlic, salt and red pepper flakes to the beef mixture.  Stir to evenly coat and cook until the sauce coats all the beef and is hot.  Add the reserved bacon and shredded cheese and stir until the cheese is completely melted and the bacon is evenly distributed.  Taste and add black pepper to your liking.

Divide the beef mixture into heat-safe containers with tight fitting lids.  I usually divide the starter into 3 cup portions. Cool quickly (by resting in a bowl with ice water halfway up the sides of the containers.)  The beef mixture will be good in the refrigerator for four days or in the freezer for up to four months.

Buttermilk Sandwich Bread

Ingredients:

• 1-1/2 cups Cultured Buttermilk (You’re making your own, right?)
• 2 Tablespoons softened butter
• 4 cups bread flour (1 pound and 1 ounce by weight.)
• 2 Tablespoons sugar
• 1 Tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon vital wheat gluten (If you can’t find this it can be omitted, but it helps the structure and texture of the finished bread.)
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 2-1/2 teaspoons instant yeast or SAF yeast

Optional:

• 1 egg beaten with 1 Tablespoon tepid water to glaze the bread

Bread Machine Instructions:

Load all ingredients into the pan according to your bread machine manufacturer’s instructions.  Program for a simple white cycle and press START.

Immediately remove bread from the pan to a cooling rack when the cycle is finished.  Cool completely before slicing.

(For instructions on preparing bread dough by hand or with a stand-mixer see the printer friendly version!)

B.) It’s chilly.

C.) My husband was on a business trip this week meaning that I parented our five boys solo.

D.) My husband got in from that business trip at 1:30 a.m. this morning.

E.) I’ve been canning like a maniac for weeks on end.

F.) I have a hole in my heart that was created by [...]]]> A.) It’s rainy.

B.) It’s chilly.

C.) My husband was on a business trip this week meaning that I parented our five boys solo.

D.) My husband got in from that business trip at 1:30 a.m. this morning.

E.) I’ve been canning like a maniac for weeks on end.

F.) I have a hole in my heart that was created by my utter lack of time to watch my favorite movies lately.

G.) I spent all of yesterday at the Angelica Farmer’s Market with the kids (who were selling their Mortar Men and Room & Linen Sprays) on what turned out to be, according to the market’s coordinator “…the slowest day we’ve ever actually had at the Farmer’s Market.”

H.) I wanted to prove that I am still capable of writing a post that doesn’t involve putting food in jars. Although, you really could actually put this into jars.  Just a thought.

There.  This is what I like to think of as front-loading with my excuses reasons behind this post. And now that I’ve been all efficient, I can go straight to the good stuff; Sweet and Spicy Chipotle Kettle Corn. I never really cared much for kettle corn because of an unfortunate incident as an exchange student in France*. I found it an affront to the great and noble salted and buttered popcorn of my youth. I viewed it as an anemic impersonation of caramel corn; food of the gods. And last, but certainly not least, I really, really REALLY didn’t like how very many times I had seen it written ‘kettle korn’.**

*I had been in France for about three months when struck with an incredible craving for crunchy popcorn. I stopped in the first Supermarché I could find and gasped audibly when I found a bag of fluffy white popcorn on the shelf.  I grabbed. I paid. I tore it open. I stuffed a fistful in my mouth.  I spit it out into a garbage can.  I was not emotionally prepared for popcorn to be totally sweet. White Cheddar or Salted? Yes. Sickly sweet?  Not so much.  And so my prejudice against any sweet popcorn that wasn’t caramel corn was born.

**Korn with a ‘K’? No way. That rubs ever CDO** bone in my body the wrong way.

***CDO: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in alphabetical order. The way God intended.

But inspiration strikes at odd moments.  As The Evil Genius and his progeny sat on the couch watching the Little League World Series (El Salvador vs. Saudi Arabia) our eldest pined -pointedly- in my direction, “I sure could go for something sweet to munch.  Sigh.”  The Evil Genius mouthed the words “kettle corn” in my direction and accompanied it with his most charming world-domination smile.  Then they all started ululating.*

*Sorry for all the asides, but this one is one-hundred percent necessary. The guys saw a Saudi mother ululating when her son hit a home run. They’ve been ululating since.  It’s been two hours.  Send help. Now.

Since I was afraid they’d carry on ululating if I didn’t whip up a batch of kettle corn I hied me hence to the kitchen.  I planned on doing one batch of the dreaded kettle corn for them and one batch of my favorite; salted with nutritional yeast (don’t you DARE gag.  It’s delicious.  Even if it DOES contain something called ‘nutritional yeast’ which admittedly sounds like it would be served by a very serious health food adherent with no sense of humour whatsoever.) I made the kettle corn, poured it into a bowl and -in an act that I really can’t remember consciously deciding to perform- sprinkled a generous quantity of ground chipotle powder over the top. Um. Whoops?

No.  Not whoops.  Divine.  Sweet, smoky, spicy, salty and crisp; this stuff knocked off my socks. Color me converted. Well, to the Sweet and Spicy Chipotle Kettle Corn anyway. You can keep the other stuff. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I ended up making several more batches because it was eaten almost as fast as I could make it. The kids loved it.  The Evil Genius loved it.  I loved it. Score.

Now if you’ll pardon me.  I’m going to go grab my bowl and catch up on my movies.  Middle Earth, here I come!

For a printable version of this recipe minus the photos and rambling, click here!

Sweet and Spicy Chipotle Kettle Corn

Ingredients:

• 3 Tablespoons canola oil
• 1/4 cup of your favorite unpopped popcorn kernels (I love ladyfinger popcorn.  So small, so cute, so tasty!) + 3 extra kernels
• 1/4 cup granulated white sugar
• salt to taste (start around 1/4 teaspoon and work up from there.)
• ground chipotle pepper powder to taste (start around 1/4 teaspoon and work up from there.)

Regular Pot Instructions:

In a large heavy-bottomed pan with a tight-fitting lid, heat the oil and the 3 extra kernels over medium high heat with the lid in place.  Shake the pan every 10 seconds.  When you hear the three kernels pop, act quickly (while wearing oven mitts.)  Dump in the 1/4 each of popcorn kernels and sugar.  Put the lid back on very quickly and start shaking in a circular motion. Listen to the popping of the kernels.  It should pick up in tempo until you can’t distinguish the popping of individual kernels.  Keep shaking the pan. After that it will gradually decrease. This is where you need to pay the most attention.  When the popping tapers off to the point where you hear a two to three second pause between pops, you need to pull the pan off the heat and empty it into a bowl very quickly.

Whirly Pop Instructions:

In a Whirly Pop pan, heat the oil and the 3 extra kernels over medium high heat with the lid in place.  Keep turning the Whirly Pop handle.  When you hear the three kernels pop, act quickly (while wearing oven mitts.)  Quickly open one side of the Whirly Pop and dump in the 1/4 each of popcorn kernels and sugar. Knock the lid back into place very quickly and start turning the handle. Listen to the popping of the kernels.  It should pick up in tempo until you can’t distinguish the popping of individual kernels.  Keep turning the handle. After that it will gradually decrease. This is where you need to pay the most attention.  When the popping tapers off to the point where you hear a two to three second pause between pops, you need to pull the pan off the heat and empty it into a bowl very quickly.

~~Now for the good stuff…

No matter which way you cook it, when you’ve emptied it into a large bowl, sprinkle with salt and chipotle powder to taste, toss and stir with a long wooden spoon.  You don’t want to stir by hand because that melted sugar seriously burns!  Let cool for a couple minutes and then dig in!  Kettle corn keeps well in a paper bag with the top folded down and crimped for a day or two at room temperature.

“To which it do you refer?” I inquired.

“IT!” said Luke.

Luke was referring to this.

This sandwich blew my mind. It was the perfect sandwich. I do not use the phrase ‘perfect sandwich’ lightly. It is a very serious appellation to [...]]]> This last week, my baby brother Luke told me admiringly that I had finally done it.

“To which it do you refer?” I inquired.

“IT!” said Luke.

Luke was referring to this.

This sandwich blew my mind. It was the perfect sandwich. I do not use the phrase ‘perfect sandwich’ lightly. It is a very serious appellation to give a sandwich*. This one earned it.

*Could I possibly use the word ‘sandwich’ any more? There just doesn’t seem to be any way around it. And so I’d like every single English and composition teacher reading this to take a muscle relaxant right now to help them get through the rest of this post without cringing themselves into spasms.

Let me tell you what makes this bad boy so very bad*. The sandwich is built of naan brushed with ghee, tandoori style grilled chicken, cucumber and yogurt salsa, crunchy pickled onion rings and candied jalapenos. Un-bloody-believably delicious. The Evil Genius declared it to be ‘A Second-to-Naanwich’.

*Bad in a good way. As in phat. Not fat. It’s totally fly. I should probably stop now. Fo shizzle.

Every single component of this sandwich was made from scratch. Okay, so I didn’t grow the lettuce greens, spices or the chicken, but shy of that, all homemade. And over the next few posts, I will give you the recipes to make each component needed to reproduce this amazing sandwich in your own kitchen.

Even though this sandwich alone is worth the work of making each of these building blocks, you’re not just canning, yogurt, bread, and grilling for one purpose. Each of the ingredients can be used for multiple recipes. This is a springboard recipe. Once you’ve mastered each component, the world is your oyster. Are you ready for the first part? Here we go!

We’re starting with Candied Jalapenos for a very good reason. After being made, they need to sit for at least two weeks before you crack open the jar to start eating them. And by need, I mean it’s strictly optional, but you’ll be glad that you did. The flavors need time to meld and marry.

Candied Jalapenos. Ah. There’s a story here. A couple months ago, my friend Katie casually mentioned eating a sandwich made with candied jalapenos. She was singing the praises of what she described as an addictive jar of goodies. Then she said the magic words, “I wish I could figure out how to make these at home.” By this point, you know me enough to know what affect that statement has on me, right?  I quizzed her on the texture, flavor, and appearance of the jalapeno rings. I begged for photographs. I had her send me a picture of the ingredient list on the label. I asked her to describe the flavor to the very best of her food blogging abilities. She was game. She provided all the information and even sent a link to a recipe that she thought looked like it would come close to the benchmark for her.

After carefully examining close to thirty recipes on candied jalapenos (who KNEW there were so many people candying jalapenos?) I called my local Cooperative Extension office to pick the brain of their home food preservation specialists. Since jalapenos are a low-acid food, some precautions need to be taken when canning them. You have two choices for safely canning peppers of any kind; you can pressure can them or you can acidify (i.e. add vinegar, lemon juice, etc…) the liquid in which you pack the peck of pickled peppers.

I opted for acidifying the pepper liquid because I wanted to maintain some of the texture of the peppers through the process.  Pressure canning these would turn them to flavorful mush.  The result was gobsmackingly, head-spinningly, brain-addlingly delicious.  Sweet, spicy and savory, candied jalapeno rings are way too easy to eat on just about everything.  I’ve stashed them in sandwiches, chopped them up on baked beans, tucked them into tacos, used the syrup to brush meat on the grill, perched a couple rings on top of a cream cheese laden cracker and all sorts of other evil things.

For such a simple thing to can, these pack tons of flavor.  You’re going to want to make as many of these as you possibly can simultaneously, because once that first jar is cracked open you’re not going to be able to stop eating them.  And I mean it.

Hey!  Don’t forget to come back over the next few days to get the other components to my Second-to-Naanwich.  You will love me.  That’s a promise.

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of this recipe, click here!

Candied Jalapenos (Cowboy Candy)

Yield: About 9 half-pint jars of Candied Jalapenos plus additional jalapeno syrup.

Ingredients:

• 3 pounds fresh, firm, jalapeno peppers, washed
• 2 cups cider vinegar
• 6 cups white granulated sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon celery seed
• 3 teaspoons granulated garlic
• 1 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper

Wearing gloves, remove the stems from all of the jalapeno peppers.  The easiest way to do this is to slice a small disc off of the stem-end along with the stem.  Discard the stems.

Slice the peppers into uniform 1/8-1/4 inch rounds.  Set aside.

In a large pot, bring cider vinegar, white sugar, turmeric, celery seed, granulated garlic and cayenne pepper to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes.  Add the pepper slices and simmer for exactly 4 minutes.  Use a slotted spoon to transfer the peppers, loading into clean, sterile canning jars to within 1/4 inch of the upper rim of the jar.

Turn heat up under the pot with the syrup and bring to a full rolling boil.  Boil hard for 6 minutes.

Use a ladle to pour the boiling syrup into the jars over the jalapeno slices to within 1/4-inch of the rim.  Insert a cooking chopstick to the bottom of the jar two or three times to release any trapped pockets of air.  Adjust the level of the syrup if necessary.  Wipe the rims of the jars with a clean, damp paper towel and fix on new, two-piece lids to finger-tip tightness.

*If you have leftover syrup, and it is likely that you will, you may can it in half-pint or pint jars, too.  It’s wonderful brushed on meat on the grill or added to potato salad or, or, or…  In short, don’t toss it out!

Place jars in a canner, cover with water by 2-inches.  Bring the water to a full rolling boil.  When it reaches a full rolling boil, set the timer for 10 minutes for half-pints or 15 minutes for pints.  When timer goes off, use canning tongs to transfer the jars to a cooling rack.  Leave them to cool, undisturbed, for 24 hours.  When fully cooled, wipe them with a clean, damp washcloth then label.

Allow to mellow for at least two weeks, but preferably a month before eating. Or don’t.  I won’t tell!

I have to admit that Celery Soda is not exactly a normal sounding recipe.  While watching Alton Brown whip together this recipe on Good Eats, my first thought was, “Celery WHAT?”  My incredulity notwithstanding, the idea took hold.

And boy did it ever take hold.  My brain kept trying to imagine how a syrup steeped with celery [...]]]>

I have to admit that Celery Soda is not exactly a normal sounding recipe.  While watching Alton Brown whip together this recipe on Good Eats, my first thought was, “Celery WHAT?”  My incredulity notwithstanding, the idea took hold.

And boy did it ever take hold.  My brain kept trying to imagine how a syrup steeped with celery seeds would taste.  It’s not that it was a huge investment in time, resources or money.  It was just two measly tablespoons of celery seed, two cups of sugar and a cup of water. I enjoyed tossing around the idea of the soda almost more than I wanted to make it.  But make it I did.

And I could kick myself for waiting so long.

It’s not good.

It’s great.

It’s more complex than I ever imagined it to be.  Trying to nail down the flavors for description is like trying to get boys into the bath tub.  In a word?  Elusive.  Two words?  Elusive and slippery.  Every time you think you have it it evades you.  But I’ll try.  For you all, I’ll try.

The first impression is not of the sweetness, although it’s right there; your first sense of the syrup is the light smell of celery.  It’s not quite identifiable as celery; it’s a fresh, herbal scent.  And it smells more of celery than it tastes of it.  That light, fresh, herbal taste  is present, but if you didn’t know it was made from celery seed you might not be able to call it.  The biggest ‘A-ha!” moment from the whole experience is that the subtle tongue-tingling feeling that you get when you eat celery is there when you sip the syrup mixed with soda water.  Even that is more of a lower case “Is this celery?” than it is a “Hey!  Celery!”

What is not elusive and slippery about this is how refreshing it is.  My word.  A tall glass of this on a hot day and the world will melt away while you stay cool.  Not as cool as a cucumber but as cool as celery. It cools you on a cellular level.  This is going to be my secret weapon during the dog days this summer.  That is, if we ever get dog days…

According to Alton Brown, the celery syrup in this recipe is invaluable in mixing cocktails.  Feel free to wing it.  Let me know if you come up with something wild and wacky and mixological.  Maybe you’ll invent the newest cocktail craze.  Could happen.  All because of this syrup.

I probably don’t need to tell you this, but I will anyway; this is so much better for you than most off-the-shelf sodas you can buy.  And it’s almost sinfully less expensive than the fancy-pants gourmet and all-natural sodas that are available.  We’re talking about pennies per glass here.  No funky additives, no High Fructose Corn Syrup, no wacky extracts or bizarro unpronounceable ingredients.  Okay, some might argue that Celery Soda is -at the very least- unusual or exotic, but it’s refreshing and really dadburned good!

Psst.   There’s one other thing.  But it’s for adults-only.  I’ve been told by a reliable source that celery (in all it’s forms) has some potent aphrodisiac effects;  so use with caution.  Or without.  Wink wink.

Now you might print this one and  put it in the pile of recipes to try or file it away or bookmark it.  I’m all about that.  But don’t let the hot months get away from you before you try this.

For a printer-friendly, photo and innuendo-free version of this recipe, click here!

Celery Soda

from Alton Brown

Ingredients:

• 2 cups granulated sugar
• 1 cup of water
• 2 Tablespoons of freshly crushed (lightly) celery seed
• chilled unflavored seltzer or soda water

Stir the sugar and water together in a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat until sugar is fully dissolved.  Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the celery seeds.  Cover the pan and steep, off of the hot burner, for one hour.

After an hour, it is time to strain.  Line a fine-mesh sieve or colander with dampened fine cheesecloth or coffee filters.  Pour the syrup into the strainer.  If you need to do this in stages, do so, but try not to overflow your cheesecloth or coffee filters as this will allow celery seeds into the syrup.

That wouldn’t be a disaster, but it would at a possibly undesirable textural element to your syrup.  Pour the syrup into a jar, fit on a tight lid and chill completely before use.

To mix a soda:

Pour 2 Tablespoons of chilled syrup into a tall glass with about 1/4 cup of chilled seltzer or soda water.  Stir well to combine so that the syrup is fully integrated into the soda.  Add ice to the glass and fill the rest of the glass with more chilled soda.  Serve immediately.  Ah!

Store unused syrup in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to six months.  That’s right!  It lasts for six whole months!

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you’re aware that I am the eldest child in a large family that includes a baby sister.  This baby sister of mine is still in high school.  Sadly, she is not hopelessly stupid.  No, she’s in high school because she’s [...]]]> This past weekend I officially became my mother.

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you’re aware that I am the eldest child in a large family that includes a baby sister.  This baby sister of mine is still in high school.  Sadly, she is not hopelessly stupid.  No, she’s in high school because she’s younger than I am (*cough* much younger *cough*).  And I might’ve mentioned that my Mom is fun before, right? Well, Mom throws massive parties for my little sister.  Loads of teenage girls and food and games at her house.  And birthdays?  Whoah.  There have been years where she’s allowed Airlia to have eight or ten girls sleep over.  She did this for me and for each and every one of my siblings. And for this, I mocked my Mom mercilessly.

“Geez, Mom!  Why can’t you say no?  You’re going to be exhausted!  Do they even appreciate everything you do? You’re making them WHAT to eat?  Holy Cow!”

And Mom would respond with a smile and a shrug and say, “I like it!”

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

Last week the boys were bemoaning the fact that they hadn’t been able to get together with their friends as much as usual.  Before I knew what I was doing her words popped out of my mouth, “Hey!  Why don’t you each invite a couple friends over on Saturday and I’ll make pizza!  It’ll be fun!”  That last sentence barely got through my lips before I clamped my hands over my mouth.  But it was already too late.  In the time it took me to pick myself up off the floor they had each invited a couple friends.  How many?  I really had no idea.

A quick glance at the calendar showed me that I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for that morning.  “Guys?  Hey guys?  Could you come here for a second?” I called, thinking I still had time to back out…  Five bright, shining faces turned toward me… “Um, never mind…” I mumbled.  I could get the blood work done, do the grocery shopping, come home and make pizza for a crowd before three, right?

Saturday morning dawned and I rolled myself out of bed to get to the doctor’s office right as they opened.  Several vials of blood and a “WOW!  I’ve never seen anybody bruise like YOU before!” from the phlebotomist later, I hurried toward the grocery store.  I tarried a little looking over packages, stocked up in the meat department, grabbed mozzarella and extra Bandaids and headed for the register.  And it was there I realized I didn’t have my debit card.  “No problem!” said I to self. “I’ll just use a check.”  I was out of checks.

I zoned out for a moment or two then snapped back into gear.  I asked the clerk to put my cart in the walk-in while I ran to the bank.  She obliged and I burned rubber.  The kind ladies at the bank printed out a check or two for me and I retraced my trail back to the store.  They retrieved my cart while I wrote out the check.  The cashier ran the check through the little machine.  Then she ran it through again.  Then againandagainandagainandagainandagain.  “Hmmm, it doesn’t look like it’s working,” said the clerk.  She beckoned for the head cashier who repeated the againandagainandagain performance and then also announced that it wasn’t working.  They called the manager over the PA system. *

*Important sidebar:  Have you ever noticed that some people have no idea how to use Public Address Systems?  They labour under the misconception that you must French kiss the microphone for it to work.  What she actually said was, “Manager on three. Three?  Manager needed on three.  Three.” Why she needed to repeat the check-out aisle number was beyond me. Between her awkward phrasing and the fact that the microphone was practically down her throat, it ended up sounding like, “Manager I pee-pee?  Manager need egg. I pee-pee.”  But I digress…

God love him, that manager got there as quickly as he could, but it still took him a while.  And he too ran the check through the machine several times before asking, “Was this transaction suspended?  You can’t pay with a check if the transaction has been suspended.”  He offered  to void every item in my cart and re-ring it so I could use my check.  Thirty minutes later, I exited the store with my groceries and went home as quickly as the speed limit would allow.  On the drive home, I called my sister and recounted what I had done that morning and told her about the upcoming party.

“Ha!” said my sympathetic sister, Jessamine. “You’re just like Mom!  You and a party?  You don’t know how many are coming?  You. Are. Exactly. Like. Mom!”

I thoughtfully responded, “No I’m not!  Mom always plans games.  I didn’t plan any games!”

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

So to recap, I had a large-ish blood draw that morning, messed up by not having a debit card or checks with me to pay for crucial ingredients for that afternoon’s pizza party, broke the grocery store’s system and was on my way home to whip up food for a crowd of as-yet-undetermined size.  Are you with me?

I got home and changed into a summery dress.*

*One more sidebar.  I can’t wear clothing that I’ve worn to a doctor’s office or hospital before they’ve been washed again.  I mean, come on!  They’re like big old petri dishes. Someone else needs to tell me they do the same thing right now.  Someone?  Hello?

As I stood propped against my counter in the kitchen making an octuple batch of pizza dough (and I’m not exaggerating.  I told you.  I didn’t know how many people were coming and NO ONE goes hungry at my house on account of me…) the boys entered the room.  One (or more… Who could tell?  I was woozy.) said, “Hey!  That dress looks just like one Nana would wear.”  And at that moment I realized they were totally right.  I. Was. Exactly. Like. Mom.

But you know what?  I smiled, shrugged and said, “I like it!”

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

Let me tell you.  The party was a total success.  And at our finest hour, we had seventeen kids running around, through, and over our home and property.  That’s 1-7.  Or 10 plus 7.  Or my five kids in addition to twelve kids who sprang from other people’s loins.  Sorry.  Is that unappetizing?

I had turned out a gallon of iced tea (supplemented by a gallon from my brilliant friend, Lisa), a gallon of lemonade and a gallon of Arnold Palmers, three sheet pizzas (one pepperoni and cheese, one cheese only, and one bacon and pineapple and onion beauty) one fifteen-inch round pizza (feta and spinach and hot pepper and olive and bacon) and two nine-by-thirteen pans full of Chaos in the Kitchen‘s brilliant pizza bites. By the time the crowd broke up and went home we had exactly ZERO leftovers.

My kids looked at me, gratefulness in their eyes for such a fun time, and said, “We’re starved!”

I had a little dough left from the pizza bites, a pound of ham-off-the-bone and a few cubes of cheese sitting around, so I threw together my take on the aforementioned pizza bites; Ham and Cheese Bites.

The Ham and Cheese Bites were inhaled by my poor-long-suffering children who went to bed five minutes later, starving once again…

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of this recipe minus the blahdy-blahdy, click here!

Ham and Cheese Bites

adapted from Chaos in the Kitchen’s Pizza Bites

Yield: 30 Ham and Cheese Bites

Ingredients:

• Double batch of homemade pizza dough (see recipe below) or 2 packages of purchased pizza dough
• 30 wafer-thin slices of deli ham
• 30 (1/2″ to 3/4″) cubes Swiss cheese
• 30 (1/2″ to 3/4″) cubes Mozzarella cheese
• 4 Tablespoons olive oil, divided
• 2 Tablespoons semolina flour or corn meal (for sprinkling the pan), divided
• 4 Tablespoons butter
• 1 teaspoon dried chives
• 3/4 teaspoon granulated onion
• 1/2 teaspoon granulated garlic
• 1/4 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning or seasoning salt

Divide the pizza dough into 30 equal-ish pieces.  Let rest.

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Lay out one piece of deli ham.  Top with a cube each of mozzarella and Swiss cheese.

Tuck the ham around the cheese to form a little packet.

Place on a plate. Repeat with remaining ham and cheese.  Set the plate aside.

Drizzle 2 tablespoons of olive oil over the bottom of a 9″x13″ rimmed baking pan.  Repeat in another pan with the other olive oil.  Sprinkle 1 Tablespoon over the olive oil in each of the pans.

Working with one piece of dough at a time, spread out into a circle (or blob) roughly twice the size of your ham packets.  If the dough tears, do your best to patch the holes. Lay a packet of ham and cheese, seam side down, on the dough.

Pull the corners of the dough up toward the top of the ham and squeeze dough together to enclose the ham.

Pinch the dough closed at the seams and make sure there are no openings.  Place the dough, pinched side down, in the prepared pans.  Repeat with the remaining dough, making five rows of three dough balls in each pan.

Place the butter, chives, onion, garlic, and seasoning salt into a small microwave-safe dish.  Warm in the microwave until the butter is melted.  Stir together with a fork and brush over the dough.

Place pans into hot oven and bake for 25 minutes, or until golden brown.  Some cheese may leak out of the bread and bubble up.  This is most definitely not a problem.  Call cook’s dibs on the crunchy cheese bits.

If desired, you can brush again with any leftover butter when you remove the pans from the oven. Allow to rest for five minutes before removing from the pans.  Serve warm with your favorite sauce.  Ours is listed below…

Creamy Horseradish Mustard Dip

You can serve this on sandwiches and no one will hate you for it.  No need to restrict it to the Ham and Cheese Bites…

Ingredients:

• 2 Tablespoons mayonnaise
• 2 Tablespoons prepared horseradish mustard
• 1 Tablespoon smooth Dijon mustard

Stir all ingredients together with a fork or a small whisk.  Store unused portions tightly covered in the refrigerator.

Semolina Pizza Dough

adapted from The King Arthur Flour Baker’s Companion

Ingredients:

• 1-3/4 cups (7-3/8 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1-1/4 cups (7-1/8 ounces) coarse semolina flour
• 1-1/2 teaspoons instant yeast
• 1-1/2 teaspoons Kosher salt
• 2 Tablespoons olive oil
• 1-1/4 cups (10 ounces) water

In a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook (or in a large bowl with a wooden spoon) mix together all the dough ingredients until a soft, cohesive dough forms.  It will not be perfectly smooth, it should have a rather rough appearance.  Cover and let the dough raise for an hour at room temperature.  At this point, you can use the dough or refrigerate it for up to 36 hours.

Did you know there’s a fan page for Foodie With Family on Facebook?  Do you have any idea how lame I feel saying that?  Seriously.  But one exists, and it’s *blush* pretty fun for me.  I love talking with all of you.  Thank you all for weighing in on the ‘what do I post next’ poll.  [...]]]>

Did you know there’s a fan page for Foodie With Family on Facebook?  Do you have any idea how lame I feel saying that?  Seriously.  But one exists, and it’s *blush* pretty fun for me.  I love talking with all of you.  Thank you all for weighing in on the ‘what do I post next’ poll.  Taking into account the previous requests and promises, the winner is Homemade Grand Marnier, followed by Tres Leches Cake and Cream of Broccoli Soup. So what am I doing leading off with Cream of Broccoli Soup?  It’s raining here.  And when it rains I like to do three things; sit on the couch with a blanket and book, drink tea, and make soup.  Thus, soup wins.  Tres Leches and Grand Marnier will make their long promised appearances this week!

So you have a loaf of One-Hour Sandwich Bread in the oven…  What do you serve with it?  Candidate #1: Cream of Broccoli Soup.

Thick, smooth, and vibrant in both color and taste, this soup spotlights the bright flavor of fresh broccoli. And let me tell you something. I adore broccoli;  Always have and always will. I guarantee that this is the Cream of Broccoli soup for serious broccoli lovers.

My soup is a little different than most broccoli soups out there (similar to this soup made by my good friend, but different than most ‘cream of broccoli’ recipes.) Why?  Because I don’t put any cream or milk in it.  I usually stir a bit of ye olde crème fraîche* in at the end to provide just a little tang, but I find that adding milk or cream in the whole pot of soup ends up muting the broccoli too much for my taste. Isn’t the point of a ‘broccoli’ soup to taste the aforementioned broccoli?

*Nerd alert: Check out my Richard the Lionhearted moment; Old English + French.  Am I the only one laughing? Le sigh. But more practically, have you made your own crème fraîche yet?  This couldn’t be simpler!  Stir 2 Tablespoons of cultured buttermilk (NOT lemon or vinegar soured milk!) into 2 cups of heavy cream.  Cover and leave at room temperature for 24 hours before refrigerating.  Ta da!  You made crème fraîche!  And you didn’t pay an arm and a leg for it at the grocery store!  And I’m using a lot of exclamation marks!  It’s so exciting! I’ll stop now! I mean to say, “I’ll stop now.” Calmly.

There are a couple fringe benefits to preparing Cream of Broccoli soup this way (aside from the taste-bud tantalizing flavor.)

1. It’s quicker! Chop, sweat, stir, simmer, blend, serve.  That’s it; no melting butter, stirring in flour, forming the roux, simmering, blending, returning to pot, adding dairy and re-heating.
2. It’s cheaper! Heavy cream is pricey, folks!  By adding it as an accent rather than a major player, you cut down on the overall cost of the meal.  Every little penny helps, right?
3. It’s healthier!  We thicken this pot of soup with a vitamin-rich, low-maintenance potato rather than a fussy, fatty roux and heavy cream. (Don’t get me wrong.  I love the fussy, fatty roux and heavy cream in other contexts, but this soup simply doesn’t need it for flavor or for texture!)  More details on the health properties of broccoli?  Why sure!  I thought you’d never ask.

Broccoli alone is considered a super-food.  It’s rich in vitamins C, K, A and dietary fiber.  As if that wasn’t good enough, it’s been linked to boosting immunities, preventing cancer and the slowing or halting the aggressive spread of cancer.  This is one recipe where eating healthily is no chore, it’s a delight.

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of this recipe, minus the broccoli-prosthelytizing, click here!

Cream of Broccoli Soup

Ingredients:

• 4 cups fresh or frozen cut-up broccoli (Use the stems as well as the florets! It tastes amazing and it’s economical!)
• 4 cups stock (homemade chicken or vegetable, preferably) or water
• 1 medium russet potato, peeled and diced
• 1 small cooking onion, peeled and diced
• 1 Tablespoon butter
• salt and freshly ground white pepper to taste (You can use black pepper if white pepper is not available.)
• Optional, crème fraîche for drizzling before serving (see below for instructions on making your own!)

Melt the butter in a stockpot or large soup pot over medium heat.  Add onions and lower heat to medium-low.  Sprinkle a pinch of salt over the onions and sweat, stirring occasionally, until onions are softened.  Lower the heat if necessary to avoid browning the onions.  This should take about 5 minutes.

Add the broccoli, stock, and potato to the soup pot and raise the heat to medium-high.  Bring the soup to a simmer.  Partially cover the pot and simmer for 25 minutes, or until all the vegetables are soft.

Remove the pot from the heat and allow to cool for 10 minutes.  Puree the soup, in batches, in a blender or food processor or use an immersion (stick) blender in the pot to puree the soup to your desired consistency.  Add the salt and pepper to taste.

If garnishing first loosen the crème fraîche in a small bowl with a fork or whisk.  Use a spoon to drizzle or dollop the crème fraîche over the soup and then swirl with a toothpick to create pretty patterns throughout.

You can freeze the uneaten, un-garnished soup in tightly covered containers for up to three months.

DIY Crème Fraîche

Ingredients:

• 2 Tablespoons cultured buttermilk (NOT lemon juice or vinegar soured milk)
• 2 cups heavy cream (while it’s preferable to use cream that hasn’t been ULTRA-pasteurized, you can use the ULTRA-pasteurized versions, it just may take longer to thicken properly.)

Use a whisk to combine the buttermilk with heavy cream.  Cover lightly and leave at room temperature (between 65°F and 75°F) for 24 hours or until thickened (but no more than 48 hours.)  This is good for two weeks (but I’ve used it longer than that…) in the refrigerator. Chilling it prior to use will thicken it further.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter [...]]]> A Tale of Two Mascarpones:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”

Charles Dickens, ‘A Tale of Two Cities’

It was pretty clear from the response to the Blueberry Tiramisu post that you all are a bunch of fellow mascarpone lovers.  And I know how expensive it is as the stores, so I’m thrilled to pass along just how easy and inexpensive it can be to make at home.  Sounds like a great start, right?

But.

And it’s a big but.

Not to be confused with a big butt although that is a present and looming danger if you eat the entire batch of mascarpone at once.  Butt I digress.

I  sat down to write this post prepared to tow a line that makes me struggle.   I was going to give you a recipe for the most hyper-traditional mascarpone a body can make.  Because sometimes -if I’m being fully truthful- I think I should be fancier and more traditional than I actually am. I have to continually check myself (and my burgeoning ego) and remember that the point is not whether I did it like someone’s Nonna in Abruzzi; the point is that I made it.  Hello.

There are entirely too many times in life when we have to do things a certain way to avoid disaster, health crises, heartbreak, financial ruin, etc.  This is not one of them.

‘Authenticity’ is a term that is applied to food a little too strictly for my comfort.  According to the ‘noisiest authorities’, food can only be authentic if it is prepared in the most traditional way with the most traditional ingredients to meet a strict definition of what the food is or isn’t.  To wit, mascarpone.  Prepared in the most authentic way, mascarpone requires Tartaric Acid.  This stuff:

Tartaric Acid is derived from the skins of grapes.  It’s harmless; it’s used in winemaking (and mascarpone making) and has been for a very, very long time.  It’s pretty mild stuff, very inexpensive, keeps forever. Mucho authentic.  And a  large pain in the rear.

What?  Yes.  I think it is a major, massive, mond0, big, huge, giant pain in my tuckus. I have made mascarpone in the most traditional way at least 25 times over and it always requires more scraping of cheesecloth, more ‘hang time’, more fine tuning of the final product than I feel like giving it.

Authentic can blow it out it’s ear as far as I’m concerned.

I have a shortcut I like and I’m darned if I’m not going to share a shortcut with you just because it isn’t authentic.  Besides, my recipe is foolproof and every bit as delicious and creamy as authentically made mascarpone. And my way has an advantage; it has longer shelf-life in the refrigerator than traditionally made mascarpone because it’s cultured!  The cultures help preserve the cream so you can make a bigger batch at once; this translates to more mascarpone on hand.  How can that be a bad thing?

Either way you make it -Foolproof or Traditional- you’re going to yield about 2 pounds of mascarpone for less than $6.00.  So either way, you win.

For a printer-friendly, photo-and-culinary-angst-free version of these recipes, click here!

Foolproof Mascarpone

Yield: about 2 pounds of mascarpone

Ingredients:

• 2 quarts Half and Half or Light Cream, pasteurized is preferred, but ultra-pasteurized will do, it just might take longer to do its thang.
• 1 packet direct set Crème Fraîche culture (OR- 1/2 cup of room temperature buttermilk [less than a week old] mixed with 1/4 cup non-chlorinated room-temperature water and 1/8 teaspoon liquid vegetable rennet [or 1/8 of a tablet of vegetable rennet crushed and dissolved in the water].)

Necessary equipment:

• a square, about 24-inches by 24-inches, of  Ultra Fine Cheesecloth(commonly called butter muslin)
• a small instant read thermometer, available in the kitchenware departments at most department stores and big grocery stores.  If they sell spatulas, they usually sell these thermometers.  Also available at at Amazon.com.
• a fine mesh, stainless steel strainer
• 2-1/2 quart capacity saucepan with lid

Pour the Half and Half or Light Cream into the saucepan placed over low heat.  Warm gently to 86°F (this is lukewarm.)  When it reaches 86°F, remove the pan from the heat.  If you’ve gone slightly over temperature, don’t panic.  Simply stir a few times and cool it back down to 86°F before proceeding.

If using the packet of direct set culture, sprinkle it evenly over the top and allow it to rest for 1 minute.  If using the buttermilk/water/rennet mixture, pour into the warm cream and let it rest for 2 minutes.  After the resting time, gently whisk the cream for 2 minutes, or until the culture is completely dissolved.  Cover and let set in a warm place (about 72°F- give or take a few degrees) for 12-24 hours or until thick.  If you stop here, you’ve made Crème Fraîche.  But I’m talking mascarpone today…

To make Mascarpone of your Crème Fraîche requires just. one. more. step.  Transfer the Crème Fraîche to a fine-mesh strainer lined with dampened  fine mesh cheesecloth or dampened coffee filters.

Place the strainer over a bowl and allow to drain at room temperature for 6-12 hours, or until it reaches your desired consistency.  Voilà! Mascarpone!  At a fraction of the cost of store bought and a fraction of the fussiness of traditionally made mascarpone.

…For comparison’s sake, I’ll share the traditional way to make it as well. While the traditional method appears easier, I have always found that I needed to fuss with it more.  I always have to scrape around the edge of the cheesecloth with a silicone spatula to help release some of the liquid.  I always find it has to drain significantly longer than the normal 12 hours.  And maybe, just maybe, I’m messing it up, but if I am, at least I’m consistent about it.  I’ll stick with the method that works for me.  Novel idea, I know.

If you prefer the traditional recipe, by all means, make it!  I’d love to hear from anyone who decides to try both. If you’re an old hand at making traditional mascarpone and you have some tips for me, please share them.  I’d really love to have two foolproof methods.

Traditional Mascarpone

Yield: About 2 pounds of mascarpone

Ingredients:

• 2 quarts Half and Half or Light Cream, pasteurized
• 1/2- 3/4 teaspoon tartaric acid

Necessary equipment:

• a square, about 24-inches by 24-inches, of  Ultra Fine Cheesecloth(commonly called butter muslin)
• a small instant read thermometer, available in the kitchenware departments at most department stores and big grocery stores.  If they sell spatulas, they usually sell these thermometers.  Also available at at Amazon.com.
• a fine mesh, stainless steel strainer
• 2-1/2 quart capacity saucepan with lid

Add cold water to the bottom pan of a double boiler but not so much that the top pan floats.  Fit the top pan in place and add the cream.  Over medium heat, bring the cream up to 185°F.

Sprinkle the tartaric acid over the top and stir for 5 minutes, maintaining 185°F.  The cream should thicken immediately.  Remove the top pan from the double boiler and stir for two additional minutes.

Transfer to a dampened ultra fine cheesecloth or dampened coffee filter lined fine-mesh strainer and allow to drain in the refrigerator for 12-24 hours or until it reaches the desired thickness.  This is very perishable and must be consumed within 48 hours of being made.