Routines can be good things, but getting them to become routine is the tricky bit. And fitting everything extra (cooking, planning, friends, activities) into this fresh Fall routine?  Hoo boy. It makes me feel a little [...]]]> Wake. Breakfast. School. Work.  Snack. School. Work. Lunch. School. Work. Snack. Work. Chores. Play. Dinner. Play. Bed. Repeat 4 times.  Weekend.

Routines can be good things, but getting them to become routine is the tricky bit. And fitting everything extra (cooking, planning, friends, activities) into this fresh Fall routine?  Hoo boy. It makes me feel a little panicky.

Feeling panicky fires up my organizational thinking.  Give me boxes.  Give me label guns.  Give me a freezer full of quick meals.  Watch me go people!

Stocking your freezer with items that can form the base of a fast homemade meal is a sanity saver.  And please.  Pretty please, don’t suggest once-a-month cooking to me.  I’ve tried it.  I failed. Miserably.  I am a fickle girl and while I approach it with enthusiasm, I fall down on it for the same reason that I can’t shop for a month at a time.  My solution is to make rubber chicken meal starters; big batches of food that form the base of many quick meals.

I’ve got a kids-of-all-ages pleasing, time-saving, budget-friendly, brain-soothing rubber chicken meal that all starts with a lip-smacking Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Meal Starter. Once you have this meal starter under your belt you can stir it into macaroni and cheese, top a pita-bread or pizza dough with it and pile on some grated cheese before baking it then tossing on chopped tomatoes and onions for a quick cheeseburger pizza, scoop it up with tortilla chips for some barbecue bacon cheeseburger nachos for game day*.) But today?  Today is all about the Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches.

Oh yes, my dears.  I am about to make you very popular.  Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches do everything but your windows.  They make a fantastic brown-bag lunch (if you have access to a way to heat it at lunch time), great dinner-on-the-go, incomparable hand-held tailgating (or sports watching) snack food, and they’re freezer friendly to boot.  By removing the sandwiches from the oven a few minutes early and wrapping with foil before freezing, you have the foundation for a meal that is done in thirty minutes or less on hand.  I tell you that if you serve these with a big pile of Cowboy Candy you will be a certifiable super star.  Gimme a high-five!*

*I have a decidedly geeky habit of high-fiving.  My kids and high-school senior sister have tried to cool-ify my high-fives by adding a fist-bump and some slide-y action afterward and telling me not to yell, ‘HIGH FIVE!’ with it but I fear they’ve only succeeded in pointing out that no matter what I do, I will never, ever be cool again. My food, however, is crazy cool. Because all my cool is poured into my food there is none left for me.  It’s a price I’m willing to pay.

So let’s recap.  Cook this big batch of meal starter (you already won because it has BACON in it!).  Divide it up into smaller portions and freeze or refrigerate those portions.  Use one portion to make Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches (a meal-starter in and of themselves because they freeze like a dream.  A dream I tell you!).  Are you excited yet?  I am.  Let’s get cooking…

HIGH FIVE!

For a photo-free, printer-friendly version of this recipe click here!

(The printer-friendly version of the recipe contains instructions on preparing the bread dough by hand or by stand-mixer.)

To Make Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Stuffed Sandwiches

Ingredients:

• 3 cups Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Meal Starter (see recipe below)
• 1 batch of Buttermilk Sandwich Bread dough or 2 pounds thawed frozen or other bread dough of your choice. (See recipe for bread dough below.)
• 1 egg beaten with 1 Tablespoon water (for egg wash.)

Optional:

• Sesame seeds, poppy seeds or minced onion for topping

Preheat oven to 400°F.  Line a large baking sheet with a piece of parchment paper.  Set aside.

On a lightly floured surface, divide the bread dough into 12 even pieces.  Roll each piece into a ball.  Working with one piece of dough at a time, flatten bread dough into a circle that is about 1/4″ thick.  Place about 1/4 cup of the meat filling into the center of the dough circle.  Gather up the edges of the dough around the filling and cinch to seal.  Place seam side down on the parchment lined pan.  Repeat until all the dough is used.

Gently cover the dough with a piece of lightly oiled plastic wrap or a damp tea towel.  Let rise in a warm place for 15 minutes or until slightly puffy.  Brush with the egg wash and sprinkle with any desired toppings.

Slide the pan into the preheated oven on the center rack.  Bake for 18-24 minutes, rotating the pan 180 degrees halfway through the cooking time, or until the rolls are deep brown and shiny and the bread is cooked all the way through. Remove the pan from the oven and let the rolls rest on the pan for 5 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.  Let the rolls rest at least 15 minutes before eating.

If you wish to freeze the rolls remove them from the oven about 5 minutes early and let cool completely on the pan before putting the pan directly into the freezer.  When the rolls are frozen through (about 6 hours), wrap each one in foil and transfer to a resealable freezer bag.  Kept like this in the freezer they will be good for about 3 months.  To reheat, place foil wrapped rolls on a pan and heat in a preheated 400°F oven for 15 minutes.  After 15 minutes, open the foil so the rolls are exposed and continue heating until hot all the way through.

Big Batch Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger Meal Starter

Yield: 5 meals worth of starter

Ingredients:

• 5 pounds 90% lean ground beef
• 1 pound sliced smoked bacon, cut into 1/2″ strips
• 2 cups ketchup
• 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• 2 Tablespoons prepared yellow mustard
• 3-5 cloves of garlic, peeled and minced
• 1 teaspoon Kosher salt
• 1/4-1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• 4 cups shredded Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese
• freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Optional:

• 1 small onion, peeled and finely chopped

In a very large skillet (or a stove-top safe roasting pan over two burners) cook the bacon strips over medium heat, stirring frequently, until deeply colored and crispy. Use a slotted spoon to transfer the crisp bacon to a paper towel lined plate.  Cover the plate with foil and set aside.  Drain most of the fat from the pan, leaving about 1 Tablespoon, and return the pan to medium heat.

(If using the optional onions, add them to the pan now.)

Break up the ground beef into the pan.  Cook the beef, stirring and breaking up large clumps of the beef, until the beef is browned and no longer pink in the center.  If necessary (if there is a lot of liquid or fat remaining after browning the beef), drain the beef in a colander, wipe the additional fat from the pan, and return the drained beef to the pan.

Lower the heat on the pan to medium low and add the ketchup, sugar, cider vinegar, mustard, garlic, salt and red pepper flakes to the beef mixture.  Stir to evenly coat and cook until the sauce coats all the beef and is hot.  Add the reserved bacon and shredded cheese and stir until the cheese is completely melted and the bacon is evenly distributed.  Taste and add black pepper to your liking.

Divide the beef mixture into heat-safe containers with tight fitting lids.  I usually divide the starter into 3 cup portions. Cool quickly (by resting in a bowl with ice water halfway up the sides of the containers.)  The beef mixture will be good in the refrigerator for four days or in the freezer for up to four months.

Buttermilk Sandwich Bread

Ingredients:

• 1-1/2 cups Cultured Buttermilk (You’re making your own, right?)
• 2 Tablespoons softened butter
• 4 cups bread flour (1 pound and 1 ounce by weight.)
• 2 Tablespoons sugar
• 1 Tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon vital wheat gluten (If you can’t find this it can be omitted, but it helps the structure and texture of the finished bread.)
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 2-1/2 teaspoons instant yeast or SAF yeast

Optional:

• 1 egg beaten with 1 Tablespoon tepid water to glaze the bread

Bread Machine Instructions:

Load all ingredients into the pan according to your bread machine manufacturer’s instructions.  Program for a simple white cycle and press START.

Immediately remove bread from the pan to a cooling rack when the cycle is finished.  Cool completely before slicing.

(For instructions on preparing bread dough by hand or with a stand-mixer see the printer friendly version!)

In actuality, I do believe I can blame this one on you all, you sweet and spicy wildcats.  I did, after all, put it up for a vote on the Foodie With Family Facebook fan phage. (Yes, I know [...]]]> …Does writing two posts in a row with a sweet and spicy theme say something about me?

In actuality, I do believe I can blame this one on you all, you sweet and spicy wildcats.  I did, after all, put it up for a vote on the Foodie With Family Facebook fan phage. (Yes, I know it should be page, but I got carried away with alliterative abandon.) The voting results were narrowly skewed in favor of this addictive Thai Sweet and Hot Garlic Dipping Sauce.  Never fear, my salsa fanatics! We’ll be back on the salsa train tomorrow.  In the meantime, if you’re looking for my first salsa recipe in my week long salsa recipe series, you’ll want to click on over to my Record-Eagle column. While you’re at it, have a gander at my Peaches and Cream Time Saver Muffin recipe.  You’ll be so glad you did!

I have a confession to make.  My husband and I have allowed all of our children to learn and adopt our own long-standing addiction.  We didn’t just let it happen, we encouraged it.  In fact, we bought the strong stuff for them.  I mean heavy-duty.  The dangerous stuff that reduces strong men to weeping babies.  The truth is that growing up in our family it was all but inevitable.

All five of our sons are hot sauce addicts.

I do mean they are fully addicted to hot sauce.  For Christmas last year, my ten-year-old and eight-year-old chucked aside their main gifts in order to crack open the miniature bottles of Frank’s Extra-Hot Sauce that we had tucked into their stockings.  Did they shake it on their eggs?  Drizzle it over their breakfast sausage?  Eat it straight on chips?  No.  Any of those would’ve been reasonable, but no.  My children shook the bottles straight into their mouths.  On purpose.  And then repeated it until each of them had consumed about two tablespoons of it straight from the bottle.  Then -and then, only- they ate a couple pieces of candy.  And then went back to the hot sauce.

My baby.  My little, sweet, cuddly four-year-old baby likes copious amounts of Sriracha on his turkey sandwiches, in his congee and on his tacos.  My twelve- and six-year olds profess not to like hot sauce as much as their brothers, but that’s only because they’re choosy.  They don’t like Frank’s, Tabasco or Sriracha, but they both like -nay, adore!- Melinda’s Original Habanero XXXXtra Reserve Sauce.  Dare I confess that we buy it by the gallon?

Considering that I do often share ‘spicy’ recipes here on Foodie With Family, and that I often get questions regarding just how hot a recipe I just offered actually is, I thought it was about time for me to create a heat-rating system; one that gives you a good idea of just how hot something actually is.  A system that was more specific and universally understandable than my usual, “Well, my four-year-old eats it…” because the truth is, my four-year-old stuffs his face full of wasabi peas, cries, knocks his head against my thigh waiting for the wasabi burn to die down then begs me for more.  And so, I present to you…

The Foodie With Family “Spicy Foods” Equivalency Rating System

1. Eh, at least it has flavor.
2. Not bad.  This would be good for small children and it’s pretty tasty stuff.
3. I like it. It’s a good all-purpose kind of heat without being at all overwhelming.
4. Tingly, definitely packs a little punch.
5. Hot, but full of great flavor.
6. Oooh, the roof of my mouth is sweating.  More please.
7. My tongue is on fire and I like it.
8. I’m sorry.  Did you ask me something?  I can’t hear you over the freight train running through my ears and I’m pretty sure my face has melted off of my head.
9. Where did everyone go?  I think I’ve gone blind.

If I were to put this in terms of widely available and well-known foods, it might look a little like this…

1. A little freshly ground black pepper.
2. Frank’s Red Hot Sauce
3. Tabasco Sauce
4. A generous shake of crushed red pepper flakes on a piece of pizza.
5. Melinda’s Original Habanero XXXXtra Reserve Sauce
6. Sriracha
7. A bite of a fresh, ripe habanero pepper.  If you eat enough you will most definitely experience the ‘hot sauce hangover’.*
8. …Crazy off-brand hot sauces that hardly anyone recognizes because they hurt and they’re expensive.  Most people don’t pay for that honest to goodness pain.
9. Dave’s Insanity Sauce.  There’s a reason some states require you to sign a health-waiver when you purchase this stuff. And for the record, this stuff is off-the-charts for us.  With two notable (and historical) exceptions, we do not eat this.**

*The Hot Sauce Hangover is a phrase coined by The Evil Genius to describe the phenomenon whereby the hot sauce makes its presence known  on you causing your posterior to hang over the toilet for roughly the same amount of time it took you to eat it in the first place.

**These exceptions are stories for another day and another cuppa tea.  I’ll just say the first occasion was a pride-fueled attempt to impress someone by putting  Dave’s Insanity Sauce on my burger like ketchup. The second event was my husband trying to eat it because he didn’t believe I could’ve possibly experienced that much pain from hot sauce when I recounted the story to him. I won that time.

Now that we’re all on the same page, let’s talk Thai Sweet and Hot Garlic Dipping Sauce.  I’m going to say that it falls somewhere between a four and a five in terms of heat and it gets full-marks on flavor.  If your heat-preferences run lower than ours, you can certainly reduce the crushed red pepper flakes called for in the recipe.  In terms of commercial comparisons, it is similar in flavor to Mae Ploy sauce but as with most homemade sauces, it’s just so much better.  There isn’t much that tastes better with lumpia, summer rolls or fried spring rolls, egg rolls or chicken balls.  Use to glaze or brush on grilled meats or whisk a little together with grated fresh ginger, soy sauce, and sesame oil for the best dressing ever to adorn an Asian chicken salad. Just look at how gorgeous it is.  Don’t you want to drink a tall glass of it?

No?  I’m alone on this?  No one else wants a glass?  Alright, but seriously, make this.  It is one of the easiest canning projects you can try because it doesn’t require any exotic ingredients or specialty equipment aside from the canning jars themselves.  And believe me, it is worth the effort. For the sauce to reach its full flavor potential, it has to sit on the shelves at room temperature for at least three weeks.  This isn’t a moment where you can mix up the sauce and shove it in the back of the refrigerator.  It just won’t develop the same roundness and body. Veteran canners can skim through and get the information they need, but I’m going to talk this through step-by-step for the newbie canners out there.  You can do this! Yes, you CAN.  Oh man, I crack me up.

In order to complete the project, you need to be able to lay your hands on the following items:

• Between nine and twelve half-pint (8 ounce) canning jars with new two-piece lids.  If you’re unfamiliar with two-piece lids, just buy a box of new canning jars from your local hardware store or Walmart.  They come -quite conveniently- with new two-piece lids!
• A large stockpot or pasta pot with a tight fitting lid.
• A rack that fits on the bottom of the pan to prevent jars from sitting directly on the pan’s surface. If you don’t have that, rings from ‘regular mouth’ canning jars can be placed facing downward sides touching to create a space between the bottom of the jars and the pan.
• A waterproof oven mitt or canning tongs.
• A ladle.
• Paper towels or clean tea towels.
• A timer or a clock.

For a printer-friendly, photo-free version of this recipe, click here!

Thai Sweet and Hot Garlic Dipping Sauce

Adapted from The Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving

Yield: About 9 half- pints as written

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup finely minced fresh garlic (Peel and mince your own garlic, please. Pre-minced garlic in jars just isn’t good enough for this recipe.)
• 1 Tablespoon Kosher salt
• 6 cups cider vinegar
• 6 cups granulated white sugar
• 3/4 cup (less if your heat tolerance is lower) crushed red pepper flakes

Prepare the jars and rings by washing on the hot cycle of your dishwasher.  Wash the lids in hot soapy water and rinse well.  Place in a bowl covered by two or three inches of very hot tap water.  Set aside.

Prepare your canner (or stockpot) by putting a rack in the bottom to hold the jars away from the base of the pan.  If you do not have a rack, use a fully opened vegetable steamer basket or extra rings from ‘regular-mouth’ or ‘narrow-mouth’ canning jars placed facing down with the sides touching.  Set aside.

Sprinkle salt over the minced garlic in a metal or glass bowl (don’t use plastic here unless you want a perma-garlic bowl!)  Stir together, cover tightly with plastic wrap and let it mellow at room temperature for an hour.  The salt will help pull some of the moisture from the garlic, so don’t skip this step!

In a saucepan, bring the vinegar to a rolling boil.  Add the sugar all at once and stir well until the sugar is dissolved.  Return to a full boil.  Lower heat just slightly so that it boils steadily but not really hard.  Boil steadily, uncovered,  for 10 minutes.  Remove the pan from the hot burner, stir in the garlic mixture and the crushed red pepper flakes.  Take care not to hold your face directly over the pan when adding in the pepper flakes as that can trigger some serious coughing and eye-watering, depending on the strength of the pepper flakes.

Ladle the hot sauce into the hot jars.  You want to leave 1/2″ of space between the top lip of the jar and the top level of the dipping sauce.  Use a ruler outside the jar to check whether you have the right amount of open space.  If you need to, use a spoon to remove some sauce or add sauce to maintain that 1/2″ of headspace.  Use a paper towel (or clean tea towel) dipped in pure cider vinegar to wipe the rims of the jars even if it doesn’t look like anything is on it.

Use your clean hands to grab a lid from the hot tap water.  Position it, rubber seal side down, directly over the center of the jar.  Place the metal ring over the jar and gently screw it into place until you meet resistance. When you meet resistance, tighten the jar until it is finger-tip tight.  (In other words, tighten until it is the tightness that you can achieve with your finger-tips, not with vice-grips.) The jars are going to be hot because you poured nearly boiling liquid into them.  I find it helpful to wear an oven mitt on the hand that is holding the jar steady.

When all of your jars are ready, set the prepared canner on your burner.  Position the jars (using an oven mitt to keep from burning your fingers or palms) over the rack (or steamer basket or upside-down canning lids) so that the jars are steady and in an upright position.  Cover the jars completely by at least one inch with hot tap water. Place a lid on your canner (or stockpot) and turn the heat on your burner to high.  When the water reaches a full, rolling boil (one that could not be stirred down), set your timer for 15 minutes.  When the 15 minutes have elapsed, remove the lid to your canner and shut off the heat.  Leave the jars in the hot water for 5 minutes.

After 5 minutes, transfer the jars (using a waterproof oven mitt or canning tongs) to a towel lined counter or a cooling rack with a towel under it. You should start to hear the “POP” of the lids as they form vacuums and seal.  This is a very good thing!  Leave your jars to rest, undisturbed, overnight.  In the morning, test the jars by pressing gently on the center of each lid.  If it does not give under gentle pressure or pop back up, your seal is good.  Remove the rings for storage*, wipe gently with a damp cloth or paper towel, label and store in a cool, dark place for 3 weeks prior to using.  Unopened, sealed jars of this sauce can be stored for a year.

*Storing your jars without the rings is a little bit of insurance.  When food spoils in a closed environment, the gasses produced by bacterial growth create upward pressure in the air pocket left by the headspace you so carefully measured in the jar.  If you remove the ring, any gasses produced by spoilage will push upward on the lid loosening the seal.  When you open a jar, if the seal is weak or there is no “schllllllooop” from a vacuum seal being broken, discard the contents immediately.  On the flip side, if you hear that lovely “schllllllllooop” and the lid is difficult to pry from the jar, you’ve done the job right!  You can eat your home-canned goodies, content in your foodstuffs’ safety.

Before opening a jar of Thai Sweet and Hot Garlic Dipping Sauce, be sure to give it a good shake.  There will be a natural settling of the product in storage and shaking is a simple way to distribute all that gorgeous garlic and pepper flake-age.

B.) It’s chilly.

C.) My husband was on a business trip this week meaning that I parented our five boys solo.

D.) My husband got in from that business trip at 1:30 a.m. this morning.

E.) I’ve been canning like a maniac for weeks on end.

F.) I have a hole in my heart that was created by [...]]]> A.) It’s rainy.

B.) It’s chilly.

C.) My husband was on a business trip this week meaning that I parented our five boys solo.

D.) My husband got in from that business trip at 1:30 a.m. this morning.

E.) I’ve been canning like a maniac for weeks on end.

F.) I have a hole in my heart that was created by my utter lack of time to watch my favorite movies lately.

G.) I spent all of yesterday at the Angelica Farmer’s Market with the kids (who were selling their Mortar Men and Room & Linen Sprays) on what turned out to be, according to the market’s coordinator “…the slowest day we’ve ever actually had at the Farmer’s Market.”

H.) I wanted to prove that I am still capable of writing a post that doesn’t involve putting food in jars. Although, you really could actually put this into jars.  Just a thought.

There.  This is what I like to think of as front-loading with my excuses reasons behind this post. And now that I’ve been all efficient, I can go straight to the good stuff; Sweet and Spicy Chipotle Kettle Corn. I never really cared much for kettle corn because of an unfortunate incident as an exchange student in France*. I found it an affront to the great and noble salted and buttered popcorn of my youth. I viewed it as an anemic impersonation of caramel corn; food of the gods. And last, but certainly not least, I really, really REALLY didn’t like how very many times I had seen it written ‘kettle korn’.**

*I had been in France for about three months when struck with an incredible craving for crunchy popcorn. I stopped in the first Supermarché I could find and gasped audibly when I found a bag of fluffy white popcorn on the shelf.  I grabbed. I paid. I tore it open. I stuffed a fistful in my mouth.  I spit it out into a garbage can.  I was not emotionally prepared for popcorn to be totally sweet. White Cheddar or Salted? Yes. Sickly sweet?  Not so much.  And so my prejudice against any sweet popcorn that wasn’t caramel corn was born.

**Korn with a ‘K’? No way. That rubs ever CDO** bone in my body the wrong way.

***CDO: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in alphabetical order. The way God intended.

But inspiration strikes at odd moments.  As The Evil Genius and his progeny sat on the couch watching the Little League World Series (El Salvador vs. Saudi Arabia) our eldest pined -pointedly- in my direction, “I sure could go for something sweet to munch.  Sigh.”  The Evil Genius mouthed the words “kettle corn” in my direction and accompanied it with his most charming world-domination smile.  Then they all started ululating.*

*Sorry for all the asides, but this one is one-hundred percent necessary. The guys saw a Saudi mother ululating when her son hit a home run. They’ve been ululating since.  It’s been two hours.  Send help. Now.

Since I was afraid they’d carry on ululating if I didn’t whip up a batch of kettle corn I hied me hence to the kitchen.  I planned on doing one batch of the dreaded kettle corn for them and one batch of my favorite; salted with nutritional yeast (don’t you DARE gag.  It’s delicious.  Even if it DOES contain something called ‘nutritional yeast’ which admittedly sounds like it would be served by a very serious health food adherent with no sense of humour whatsoever.) I made the kettle corn, poured it into a bowl and -in an act that I really can’t remember consciously deciding to perform- sprinkled a generous quantity of ground chipotle powder over the top. Um. Whoops?

No.  Not whoops.  Divine.  Sweet, smoky, spicy, salty and crisp; this stuff knocked off my socks. Color me converted. Well, to the Sweet and Spicy Chipotle Kettle Corn anyway. You can keep the other stuff. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I ended up making several more batches because it was eaten almost as fast as I could make it. The kids loved it.  The Evil Genius loved it.  I loved it. Score.

Now if you’ll pardon me.  I’m going to go grab my bowl and catch up on my movies.  Middle Earth, here I come!

For a printable version of this recipe minus the photos and rambling, click here!

Sweet and Spicy Chipotle Kettle Corn

Ingredients:

• 3 Tablespoons canola oil
• 1/4 cup of your favorite unpopped popcorn kernels (I love ladyfinger popcorn.  So small, so cute, so tasty!) + 3 extra kernels
• 1/4 cup granulated white sugar
• salt to taste (start around 1/4 teaspoon and work up from there.)
• ground chipotle pepper powder to taste (start around 1/4 teaspoon and work up from there.)

Regular Pot Instructions:

In a large heavy-bottomed pan with a tight-fitting lid, heat the oil and the 3 extra kernels over medium high heat with the lid in place.  Shake the pan every 10 seconds.  When you hear the three kernels pop, act quickly (while wearing oven mitts.)  Dump in the 1/4 each of popcorn kernels and sugar.  Put the lid back on very quickly and start shaking in a circular motion. Listen to the popping of the kernels.  It should pick up in tempo until you can’t distinguish the popping of individual kernels.  Keep shaking the pan. After that it will gradually decrease. This is where you need to pay the most attention.  When the popping tapers off to the point where you hear a two to three second pause between pops, you need to pull the pan off the heat and empty it into a bowl very quickly.

Whirly Pop Instructions:

In a Whirly Pop pan, heat the oil and the 3 extra kernels over medium high heat with the lid in place.  Keep turning the Whirly Pop handle.  When you hear the three kernels pop, act quickly (while wearing oven mitts.)  Quickly open one side of the Whirly Pop and dump in the 1/4 each of popcorn kernels and sugar. Knock the lid back into place very quickly and start turning the handle. Listen to the popping of the kernels.  It should pick up in tempo until you can’t distinguish the popping of individual kernels.  Keep turning the handle. After that it will gradually decrease. This is where you need to pay the most attention.  When the popping tapers off to the point where you hear a two to three second pause between pops, you need to pull the pan off the heat and empty it into a bowl very quickly.

~~Now for the good stuff…

No matter which way you cook it, when you’ve emptied it into a large bowl, sprinkle with salt and chipotle powder to taste, toss and stir with a long wooden spoon.  You don’t want to stir by hand because that melted sugar seriously burns!  Let cool for a couple minutes and then dig in!  Kettle corn keeps well in a paper bag with the top folded down and crimped for a day or two at room temperature.

From the weather to the produce to the activity level, everything packs major heat these days.

My garden is in a bit of a lull at the moment since cucumbers are about done and tomatoes are just gearing up, but the jalapeño plants are ready to go, go, go.  My [...]]]> Spicy hot is how things are around here.

From the weather to the produce to the activity level, everything packs major heat these days.

My garden is in a bit of a lull at the moment since cucumbers are about done and tomatoes are just gearing up, but the jalapeño plants are ready to go, go, go.  My love of jalapeños is well-documented.  And while I’m thrilled to finally get some homegrown hot peppers* there aren’t quite enough to put together a full batch for Candied Jalapeños. Because tomatoes aren’t really fully ready yet, salsa is out, too.  But I’ll be darned if I’m going to let one of those little green beauties go to waste.

*I have tried, unsuccessfully, year after year after year to grow hot pepper plants of various types.  I’ve ranged from mild disappointment -plants that grew and set fruit that never matured- to abject failure -plants that were eaten down to the ground by nasty, greedy woodland critters, and/or plants that I forgot to water.  And even in years where I did everything right -when I weeded and watered and pruned and trimmed and fed- it was still dismal.  This year we tried something new out of sheer laziness.  When we reached the end of space in the garden after filling it with the necessaries (cucumbers, tomatoes, zucchini, summer squash, beans, radishes, lettuce and whatnot) we had no desire to break more ground for the wee pepper plants we had bought.  Instead of breaking out the pick-axe and the tiller, we rummaged around until we came up with several nursery pots, filled them with composted manure and sawdust and nestled the little pepper hopefuls in and walked away…  Whaddya know?  It worked.

Pique to the rescue. We’re talking about the unofficial national hot sauce of Puerto Rico.  I’ve not yet had the privilege of traveling to Puerto Rico* but I’ve heard from reliable sources that most households and restaurants keep a bottle or two of their own version of pique at the dinner table.  It is hot sauce in its simplest form; vinegar, hot peppers, and optional spices to round out the flavors.  Over greens, steamed or roasted vegetables or into soup, or *ahem* on top of freshly deep-fried French fries (not that I’m trying to lead you astray), a little drizzle of Pique is just what the doctor ordered.   And it’s a match made in heaven for frugal food lovers.  Because of the acidity level of pure cidervinegar, Pique is good indefinitely in the refrigerator. Standard practice is to top off the vinegar in your Pique bottle as it gets lower. It’s an almost never-ending bottle of hot sauce.  Rejoice!  The taste and the cheap are like peas and carrots here!

The perpetual advantage of making buyable items at home is that it is always customizable for your individual tastes. You can make it gently spicy or burn-your-face-off-hot with any combination of hot peppers.  Since jalapeños are what I have (victory dance!) that’s what I used. I tossed in a few dried arbol chile peppers for added kick and color.  And I went heavy on the garlic because I could.

If you have an empty glass soy sauce bottle or vinegar bottle that has the little removable plastic shaker top to keep things from plopping out onto your plate en masse, it makes a wonderful vessel for your gorgeous Pique. If that’s not handy, you can always use a canning jar or empty jar of some other sort with a tight fitting lid.  The shaker bottle just makes Pique-to-dinner deployment a more precise operation.

Of course, if you can lay your hands on pretty little bottles with spouts, that would transform your project into one worthy of gift giving.  Tie a tag with instructions on storage, use and refilling around the neck of the bottle and gather up the compliments because they will be heaped upon you. (You creative, tasteful, thoughtful, frugal friend, you!)

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Pique (Puerto Rican Style Hot Sauce)

Ingredients:

• about 1 cup cider vinegar (I like Bragg’s Raw Apple Cider Vinegar)
• about 12 long hot peppers (You can use any combination of  jalapeno, arbol, scotch bonnet, habanero, cayenne, etc…)
• 4-6 cloves of garlic, peeled and cut in half lengthwise
• 12 black peppercorns
• 1/4 teaspoon Kosher (or other non-iodized) salt
• 1/2 a bay leaf

Other optional tasty additions:

• Several stems of fresh cilantro or fresh oregano
• a squeeze or two of lime juice
• toasted cumin seed
• a splash of rum

Also needed:

• 1 clean, empty glass bottle of about 12-ounce capacity with a tight fitting lid.  If there is a removable plastic shaker top, that is even better! Remove the shaker top prior to filling and set aside. An empty rice wine vinegar bottle works very well.

Drop the garlic cloves,  peppercorns, salt and bay leaf (and any of your optional additions) down into the bottle.

Remove the stems from the hot peppers.  Leave the seeds and membranes intact if you want your Pique spicy! If necessary, slice the peppers lengthwise until they are a size that fits easily into the mouth of the bottle. Insert peppers (or peppers strips) into the bottle.  Use a funnel to pour vinegar into the bottle to cover the peppers and spices.  If your bottle has a shaker top, snap it back into place, add the lid and set out on the counter for two days.  After two days, store your Pique in the refrigerator.  You can top off with vinegar when it starts getting low.  When the peppers start losing their punch, use a chopstick to remove the peppers and start over!

This was some high-heresy for a girl raised awfully close to ‘The Cherry Capital of the World’.*  Why I thought cherries were gross I can attribute to two reasons: A) I didn’t like the whole spit-the-pit thing.  I was a tidy child. B) The only way to eat cherries sans [...]]]> I used to think I despised cherries.

This was some high-heresy for a girl raised awfully close to ‘The Cherry Capital of the World’.*  Why I thought cherries were gross I can attribute to two reasons: A) I didn’t like the whole spit-the-pit thing.  I was a tidy child. B) The only way to eat cherries sans pits, as far as I knew, was maraschino cherries and I still maintain that those are disgusting.

*Nothing like some trivia to de-cobweb the old gray matter. Does anyone out there know which area I mean?

I realized the error of my ways long after moving out of state*.  I was at a friend’s house when she insisted I try a beautiful red cherry she had picked earlier that day.  I was blown away by the intense, tart, sweet flavor.  And I didn’t even mind spitting the pit. My devotion was deep and instant. But DANG they were expensive. On sale, loss-leader sale even, I couldn’t find pre-picked cherries for anything less than $2.99 per pound.  I lived much too far from any cherry orchards to make it cost-effective to drive to one to pick my own. Then we moved again.

*I have a  major food regret from my childhood. I wish I hadn’t been such an anti-cherry and anti-morel mushroom picky-pants.  I had both overflowing in my backyard free for the taking.

I am now fortunate enough to live in Amish country where the bulk-food buying and canning mindsets of my ‘Dutch’ neighbors combine to provide me with ample and affordable supplies of pre-picked fruits and vegetables at prices that would make grocery store managers reach for the antacids. This year, I pitted sixty pounds of sweet black cherries and I’m still canning my way through thirty pounds of pre-pitted sour cherries. The black sweet cherries rang in at $0.70 per pound and the pre-pitted sour cherries came in at a slightly pricier (but still bargain-basement price of) $1.26 per pound.  You already know about the Rum-Soaked Preserved Cherries and the Boozy Cherry Molasses, and I’ve been promising my Sweet Black Cherry Pie Filling recipe for an (indecently) awful long time.  How many of you are waiting out there languishing with a whipped ganache filled tart in hand just hanging on for a pie filling that doesn’t taste and look like glorified maraschino cherries and doesn’t plop out of a pull-tab can?  I am so sorry.  I blame my children.*

*Because I can. Yes, I can. A little laughter please? Can’t a girl get a little giggle for politico-culinary humour?

Why make your own instead of buying the cheap stuff? For the usual reasons; flavor and health. Store-bought canned pie filling can’t hold a candle to homemade in terms of flavor.  But just as compelling is the long list of nasty additives and artificial flavors present in the storebought stuff.  There are five -count ‘em- FIVE ingredients in homemade Sweet Black Cherry Pie Filling, all of which are readily available and pronounceable.

Ah, Sweet Black Cherry Pie Filling. What can’t you do? Sure, you can make a good old-fashioned cherry pie with it, but you can also top cheesecakes with it, layer it with brownies and whipped cream in a mean trifle, pour it on top of softened cream cheese to serve with graham crackers or make a deadly no-bake Black Forest Truffle Tart.  You want some of this on your pantry shelves. Seriously.

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Sweet Black Cherry Pie Filling: Printer Friendly Version

From The Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving (see here for book details!)

Yield: about 8 pint (500 mL) or 4 quart (1 L) jars

Ingredients:

• 10 pounds frozen sweet black cherries, thawed in the refrigerator for 24 hours.
• 2 1/2 cups granulated sugar
• 1 cup ClearJel (Or Thermaflo or Permaflo)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/3 cup lemon juice

Position a colander over a large bowl. Pour partially thawed cherries into the colander, cover lightly with plastic wrap and leave on the counter top, stirring occasionally, until you have collected 7 cups of juice in the bowl.  Set aside the juice and the cherries.

Prepare the canner, jars and lids. For more information, see our basic canning how-to’s.

In a large stainless steel or enameled stockpot, whisk together the sugar, ClearJel and cinnamon. When it is evenly combined, whisk in 4 cups of the cherry juice*.  Place stockpot over medium-high heat and bring to a boil, stirring constantly to prevent scorching. Continue boiling until thickened. Whisk in the lemon juice and return to a boil, stirring constantly. Continue stirring and allow the mixture to boil hard for 1 minute. Add the reserved cherries all at once, stir in gently, and continue stirring constantly while returning to a boil. Remove the pan from the heat.

*You can freeze or can the remaining juice or turn it into Boozy Cherry Molasses. The basic instructions remain the same, just add half as much sugar (by volume) and go forth with the directions from there.

Scoop the hot pie filling into the hot jars allowing 1-inch of headspace to remain between the pie filling and the rim of the jar.  Remove air bubbles from the filling by inserting a long, flexible spatula or chopstick into the jars. Wipe the jar rims and position the lids in place.  Screw the rings onto the jars to fingertip tight.

Place jars in a canner, cover with hot tap water by at least 1-inch, cover, and place covered canner over high-heat to bring the water to a boil.  Once the water is boiling hard, you can begin timing; both pints and quarts must be processed for 35 minutes.  After 35 minutes, turn off the heat, remove the lid and let the jars remain in the water for an additional 5 minutes.  Remove to a cooling rack or towel lined counter and allow to cool, undisturbed, for 24 hours before removing rings, wiping jars clean and labeling. Processed and sealed pie filling can be stored in a cool, dark place for a year or so.

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Before I leave you to whipping up your own batch of Sweet Black Cherry Pie Filling I want to let you in on a dirty little secret. I have a treat that I allow myself that I refer to as Mommy’s Little Helper. It’s the thing that stands between sanity and selling my children to the nearest traveling circus and it is as simple as it is delicious. Just dip a spoon into your resident jar of Nutella (you DO have one, don’t you?) and top with a dollop of Sweet Black Cherry Pie Filling.  Open mouth. Insert. Oh sure, you could  class it up a little and serve it on graham crackers or chocolate wafer cookies, but then it’s not so naughty -and therefore- not so much fun. Danger. It’s my middle name.

What is is about corn dogs that is so appealing?  Is it as simple as the whole “food on a stick” universal truth*? Or is it more complicated?  Maybe it comes down to the crazy appeal of the hot dog itself.  Perhaps it’s the [...]]]> Summer and corn dogs are like winter and hot cider; you just hafta.

What is is about corn dogs that is so appealing?  Is it as simple as the whole “food on a stick” universal truth*? Or is it more complicated?  Maybe it comes down to the crazy appeal of the hot dog itself.  Perhaps it’s the hint of honey in the crispy-exterior, moist-interior cornbread.  Could it be the cultural association of fairs and festivals and carnivals and summer fun in sultry heat? The vinegar bite of yellow mustard dripping down the corn dog?  I don’t know.  All I know is that when you say ‘corn dog’ I make like Pavlov’s loyal companions and drool.

Alas, having chosen to live in the middle of nowhere as I have done, I don’t often stumble across carnivals and their vittles.  And I won’t settle for satisfying my corn dog cravings with an uninteresting box of frozen mystery hot dogs covered in cloyingly sweet cornbread batter*. The only solution is to take matters into my own hands.

*I know that fairs and carnivals probably aren’t serving up Zweigle’s or Nathan’s or Hebrew Nationals in their corn dogs, but somehow the ambiance of a fair makes up for it. I just don’t have the carnival barkers, brightly colored tents or enough tattoos to compensate at home.

Corn Dog Bread is the quickest, easiest, tastiest way to fill that corn dog shaped void in my psyche.  Of course, being unable to restrain myself, I added a few flourishes to the corn dog bread that bring it more into my wheelhouse; stoneground cornmeal, candied jalapenos and chopped onions.  But friends?  If you want the real deal, the most honest representation of corn dogs without a stick that you can possibly get, just go au naturel; use good old yellow cornmeal from the round canister and ix-nay the jalapenos and onions.  I won’t be hurt.

It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that this is the ultimate in kid-of-all-age-friendly food.  Cut up into squares, it’s easily tucked into a bag to take with you to baseball practice, on a picnic, at the drive-in theater or just out on the front porch enjoying that sweet summer breeze.  And this is easily turned into a vegetarian-friendly entrée by swapping out the hot dogs for veggie dogs.  Please ‘em all, I say!

Whichever way you make it, spicy or plain, serve with a plate piled with barbecue beans and coleslaw for the ultimate summer meal.

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Corn Dog Bread

Ingredients:

• 1 cup (4.25 ounces by weight)  all purpose flour
• 3 cups stoneground cornmeal (15 ounces by weight) (You can use regular yellow cornmeal, but be sure not to use self-rising cornmeal here!)
• 1-1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 4 teaspoons baking powder
• 3 Tablespoons honey
• 2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon granulated garlic (garlic powder)
• 1/4 teaspoon granulated onion (onion powder)
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 6 Tablespoons melted butter
• 2-1/2 cups buttermilk (Don’t forget how easy it is to make your own real buttermilk!)
• 8 hot dogs, sliced into 1/4-inch rounds (You can use leftover grilled hot dogs or fresh hot dogs; either is fine!)

Optional, but tasty:

• 1/2 a cooking onion, peeled and chopped finely
• 2 Tablespoons Candied Jalapeno or pickled jalapeno rings ~or~ 1 fresh jalapeno, sliced into 1/8-inch rounds

Preheat oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a 9-inch by 13-inch baking dish and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, cornmeal, soda, powder, salt and sugar with a whisk.  In a medium sized bowl or large liquid measuring cup, whisk together the eggs, melted butter and buttermilk.  Pour the liquid mixture into the dry mixture and stir lightly until the batter has mostly come together but still has some small lumps (Grandma’s notes specify to use a whisk.  I do what Grandma says.  It’s always for the best.)

Fold the sliced hot dogs and onions (if using) into the batter gently just until combined.  Scrape the batter into the greased baking dish and level the top.  If using the jalapeno rings, arrange evenly over the top of the batter.  Slide the baking dish into the oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until the top is golden brown and it tests done*.

*A toothpick or cake tester stuck into the center of the bread will come out clean.

Slice into squares and serve warm or room temperature with the usual corn dog accompaniments -mustard, ketchup, and hot sauce- or not.

…Whatever you do, and however you make it, don’t forget those Barbecue Beans and coleslaw!