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The telemarketer actually called me ‘honey’. Foodie needs to vent.

August 29, 2008 by 7 Comments

I received a call this morning from a telemarketer.  Interestingly, we’re on the do-not-call registry, but evidently these folks have found a way around the law.  Would this have irritated anyone else or am I crazy?  And in case you’re wondering why I didn’t hang up immediately it’s because I couldn’t believe this guy said what he did.  Really.   I’ll reproduce our conversation below.  My thoughts will be in italics.

Picking up the phone…

 

Me:  Hello?

 

Telemarketer Neanderthal (henceforth TN, speaking in a very smarmy tone of voice):  Hi.  Can I speak to the man of the house?

 

Me:  He’s not in.  I’m his wife.  May I help you?  Aw geez.  How long is this going to take?

 

TN:  No, I’m calling to speak to the man of the house about something that’s really important but would probably bore you.

 

Me:  Wow.  Where’d they dig this guy up?  Why don’t you try me?  I’m pretty smart.

 

TN:  Well, *honey*, it’s about sealing your basement walls and I’m pretty sure I’d better speak to the man of the house.  I don’t think you would understand.

 

Me:  Well, I think you might be underestimating me.  More importantly, the man of the house wouldn’t really like to speak with someone who talks to his wife like that.  Now kindly note that we’re on the do-not-call registry and take us off your list permanently.

 

Hanging up enthusiastically with steam shooting out of ears. 

 

 

Am I nuts?

Filed Under: Rebecca

Weird food loves and the foodies who love them… Share your secret food loves.

August 29, 2008 by 4 Comments

I was popping a tray of cheesy toast (that’s simply bread toasted under the broiler, topped with cheese and then broiled again until the cheese is bubbly and brown in bits) under the broiler and was thinking how everyone has weird food loves that you wouldn’t serve to anyone but yourself and any family who shares your odd culinary bent. This also got me to thinking about the vast quantities of junk food I’ve consumed over the years.  I spent some time mulling it over and wondered if I could get other people to divulge their weird food loves.  Let’s be honest.  We foodies might not really want to admit to liking some of these things for fear of being laughed at by the foodie community at large.  I, personally, have zero problem making a fool of myself as it is something I have put a great deal of effort into doing over the years.  So I’ll kick it off…

 

I have a strange love for anything involving cheese or (gasp) cheese products; cheesy toast, soft OR hard pretzels with either real cheese or cheese whiz, refried bean and pasteurized cheese dip, toasted cheese rounds on top of my dinner salads, etc…  There were more times than I could count in high school and college that I made a meal out of salsa con queso and Snyder’s Sourdough Pretzels. 

 

Some of my other non-refined food loves?  Andy Capp’s Hot Fries, deep fried mozzarella sticks, deep fried mushrooms, well- anything non-offal or reproductive organ that’s deep fried, Funyons, Snickers bars, Dr. Pepper (Why, oh why did you have to put HFCS in, good Dr.?  You’re just not the same anymore), Vernor’s Ginger Ale (my Dad might argue that Vernor’s IS refined), Snyder Kettle Cooked Jalapeno Potato Chips, and Chili Cheese Fritos, just to name a few.

 

I wouldn’t normally shout it from the rooftops that I’m fond of pasteurized cheese product and everything deep fried (is there ANY nutritional value in that stuff???) any more than I’d normally announce that I’m crazy about American Idol **mostly for the sake of following along on ‘Vote For the Worst’, but what’s a little pride for amusement’s sake?

 

So, just between you and me, what are some of your non-foodie food loves?  I won’t judge (out loud.)

Filed Under: Rebecca

Dad’s Zucchini Burgers

August 28, 2008 by Leave a Comment

I am in the middle of a protracted battle for space with the gargantuan zucchini that keep miraculously popping up in my garden.  After last night’s garden veggie (read: zucchini) and quinoa stew, I was feeling out of ideas.  Then I thought, “Why do I need to come up with ideas?  I can fall back on a favorite.”  …And so a batch of zucchini patties came about.

 

Zucchini patties (or burgers as my Dad calls them) were Dad’s go-to dinner when he cooked for my sister and I who were both vegetarians in our teen years.  I have since once again become an omnivore.  I missed bacon.  And ham.  And beef.  And turkey.  Oh, you get the point.  The patties were dead cheap to make and they made two teenage girls and their little brother very happy.  I can see why he made them frequently.  Dad’s zucchini patties were always perfect; crispy on the outside, moist but firm on the inside, with lots of salt and pepper.  Shortly after moving out and getting my first place I asked Dad how he made them.  He replied that he started with a grated zucchini and added stuff (egg, bread crumbs, onion, etc…) until it was ‘right’.  Da-ad (read that like a whiny teenage girl).  Once again it fell to me- the obsessively measuring, quantity recording daughter- to write down the family recipe. 

 

I haven’t made these in front of Dad yet so I can’t officially give his stamp of approval but they taste about right to me.

 

Dad’s Zucchini Burgers

 

As indicated by the name, these patties are good served on buns like burgers.  These days, however, I prefer them by themselves on a plate with or without marinara sauce.  I used dried herbs and spices to reduce the chances that the kids would reject them…  Feel free to substitute fresh garlic, basil, parsley and oregano if they’re handy!

 

Ingredients:

 

  • 3 c. super finely shredded zucchini, squeezed over a strainer to reduce liquid
  • 1 large onion, peeled and finely shredded, squeezed over a strainer to reduce liquid
  • 3/4 c. Italian seasoned dry bread crumbs
  • 3 eggs
  • 1/2 c. shredded Romano or Parmesan cheese
  • 1/2 t. each garlic powder, onion powder, dried parsley, dried basil and dried oregano
  • Neutral oil, such as canola, for pan frying
  • Optional: Marinara or other red sauce for serving.

 

Combine everything but the oil in a large bowl and stir until evenly moistened.

 

Here’s what evenly moistened looks like…

 

Heat a large, heavy-bottomed skillet, preferably cast-iron, or a griddle over medium high heat. Pour in enough oil just to cover the bottom of your pan. When oil is hot, measure 1/4 cup portions of the zucchini mixture onto pan, spreading gently to form a patty shape.

 

Patty shape, patty shape, patty shape!

 

Cook 3 minutes or until the underside is crispy and dark brown. Using a spatula, flip carefully and cook for another three minutes or until other side is crispy and dark brown.

 

This is the brown you’re going for…

 

Remove to a plate covered with paper towel and continue until all batter has been used. Serve hot with marinara sauce or not. 

 

This is summer comfort food!

 

 

How did we like this recipe?

 

I’m keeping it real here folks.  This got 8 thumbs up out of a possible 14.  There weren’t a lot of surprises on the division here.  Evil Genius, myself, Liam and Aidan made up the 8 thumbs.  Ty tried it and didn’t like it contributing 2 thumbs to the opposition.  Leif and Rowan made up the we-wouldn’t-touch-it-with-a-10-ft.-pole contingent adding 4 more thumbs to the ‘nay’ category.  Oh well.  I’m going to keep making it.  Eventually they’ll grow to love it.  And if not, well, eventually they’ll leave home and I’ll keep on eating it. 

 

 

…And for those who might be interested, click here for the Record-Eagle column where I originally ran this recipe.

Filed Under: Appetizers & Snacks, Main Dish, Rebecca, Side Dishes, Stretching your dollars, Vegetarian Tagged With: , ,

It’s a Yummy Earth.

August 28, 2008 by 2 Comments

My sister Jessamine’s kids have severe food allergies.  The last time I had a peek at the list of no-no foods it included soy, corn, dairy, gluten, wheat, chemical preservatives and chemical dyes, among other things.  Those of you who spend as much time as I do staring at and clucking over product labels will recognize that the preceding list pretty much eliminates all the ‘fun’ food that we remember as kids.  Last year, though, Jess found candies that actually were acceptable for her kids to eat.  She was rapturous over the phone telling me that she had found stuff her kids could have at Halloween.  I, being the optimist that I am, was a shade more skeptical. **

 

**Healthy versions of junk food often taste, er- how to say?- much like cardboard.  The flavors are off and/or dull, the colors are BORING, and the texture sometimes borders on gag-inducing.  So this is the opinion that tempered my enthusiasm for my sister’s discovery.

Sometime after Jess ordered her five pounds of healthy lollipops she came to visit.  She plunked a container up on the counter and invited my kids to eat a few.  I was shocked.  The first thing thing that hit me was their vibrant coloring.  These things rivalled Lifesavers with their brilliant hues.  I waited for the kids’ reactions to the candy.  Shock number two.  They finished the first ones quickly and begged for seconds.  At that point I needed to try one.

 

Holy cow!  They were so good.  They were tangy, sweet and sour all at the same time.  They actually tasted like fruit.  Not the bland, flavorless fruit in most healthy candies, but BANG- fresh, flavorful, intense fruit!

 

Now came the really hard sell; my husband.  He is a candy connosieur.  Actually, he’s a candy consumer.  He finds one he likes and eats vast quantities of it.  If he doesn’t like it the candy can sit on the counter for a year and he’ll push it around like dust bunnies.  He ate one and was instantly in love.  He liked it so much that he asked me to order some.  So began our love affair with Yummy Earth Lollipops.

 

I’m passing this information along to those of you who feed folks with allergies and those of you who are seeking to improve your diet.  You must try Yummy Earth lollipops.  From a flavor standpoint alone, I’d choose these over all the other candy readily available on the shelves.  From a health vantage point, these simply cannot be beat!

 

Look at the ingredient list:

 

  • Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Organic Tapioca Syrup, Non-GMO Citric Acid, Organic and Natural flavors (Watermelon, Lemon Oils, Pomegranate, Mango), Organic and Natural Color, Red Cabbage, Purple Cabbage.

 

Don’t let the cabbage scare you.  There are no cabbage flavored lollis.

 

 

…And look at the list that appears on the side of the label:

 

  • Certified Organic
  • 100% Natural Colors No Chemical Dyes
  • 100% Natural Flavors
  • Real Fruit Extracts
  • 100% Vegan
  • GMO-free
  • Allergen Free
  • Egg-free
  • Soy-free
  • Nut-free
  • Gluten-free
  • Wheat-free
  • Casein-free
  • Dairy-free

All this and FLAVOR-FULL!

 

One slight problem is that I have never found a place to purchase these locally.  Happily, like many other good things, I can buy them online or through my health-food co-op.  They are usually least expensive through Amazon.  You save the most money by purchasing a 5 pound bag.  ‘Five pounds of lollipops?’, I hear someone yelling…  Get them now.  They are good for about a year after purchase provided you don’t store them in the sink or some place really damp.  You’ll be able to give out HEALTHY candy to your neighborhood kids at Halloween.  You can put GOOD treats in the stockings at Christmas (or any other candy giving religious holidays.)  …And this all presupposes you haven’t eaten them by then.

Filed Under: Desserts, Product Reviews, Rebecca

Don’t read this post if you hate Amazon.com! (Freebie!!!!)

August 27, 2008 by 1 Comment

I am not going to make a habit of this.  Because I want to make sure those who are here strictly for the food don’t have to read any shameless stumping for Amazon.com I will put the rest of this post after the jump…

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Filed Under: Rebecca

Roasted Garlic

August 26, 2008 by 8 Comments

I am fully aware that it is still late August, but I am programmed to think of putting up food for the winter in mid-summer.  See Grandma, Mom, and Dad?  I did pay attention!  And so, in the spirit of playing ‘the ant’ to any food preservation grasshoppers out there…

 

It’s garlic season!  Yippee!

 

If the only garlic you’ve ever eaten was from a plastic wrapped box or precut in a jar you’ve been missing out mightily.   The flavor of fresh garlic is complex.  It is spicy and pungent.  There is no substitute for it.

 

Garlic from the bulk bins in most grocery stores, while a step above the cello-wrapped boxes and jarred variety, pales in comparison to good garlic purchased from a reputable farmer.  I saw my garlic guy today and stocked up on the garlic that should get us through the remainder of pickling season and the winter.  He sent me home with 10 pounds of German Porcelain and Italian Red garlic.  **These are both hardneck varieties.  Hardneck garlic remains healthy longer in storage than does softneck garlic. 

 

At a loss as to where to find fresh garlic locally?  If you’re in Western New York or the Southern Tier I can give you my garlic guy’s name.  If you’re not from these parts, the folks at Local Harvest have a wealth of information on local-to-you growers and farmers markets.

 

Garlic is, after blueberries, the second easiest thing to store for the winter.  To keep garlic for several months  you can create the ideal storage conditions by keeping heads intact in a cool, dry, dark place with plenty of air circulation.  Some good ways to do this are:

  • Buy some cheap pantyhose.  Drop a head of garlic down each leg into the foot, tie off or cinch with a twist tie, and repeat until hose are full.  Hang this from a beam or hook in your closet, basement or root cellar.
  • Store in mesh bags in your closed pantry or cabinets.
  • Hang in mesh bags from a hook or beam in your closet, basement or root cellar.
  • Store in a cool place in a mesh bowl under an overturned clay pot.

Some sure fire ways to ruin your garlic include:

  • The fridge.  Your garlic should not be stored in the fridge at all.  The cold temperature changes the flavor of the garlic.  If you chop more than you need for a recipe, wrap tightly with plastic wrap and use within 24 hours.  There will be some loss of flavor, but you’ll probably be able to live with it.
  • The freezer.  Ditto on the cold temperatures, but the freezer has the added disadvantage of ruining the texture of fresh garlic.  Don’t be tempted!

This is what 10 pounds of fresh garlic looks like!  That bowl is huge, I tell you.  For reference purposes, it’s bigger than a breadbox.

…And as if fresh garlic (bought inexpensively in late summer) readily available in your home isn’t enough to tempt you, let me share one other thought with you.  You can roast a bunch of heads of garlic and freeze the roasted garlic. **The earlier caution about freezers and garlic does not apply to lovely roasted garlic.

 

The beauty of roasted garlic -addressing for the moment the uninitiated- is that it morphs garlic into a sweet, mellow spreadable form of garlic with none of the sometimes maligned side effects of raw or fresh garlic.  The five and a half billion things you can do with roasted garlic are the subject of an upcoming post.  But for now I’m going to apply peer pressure to those who haven’t yet made this.  Come on.  Make it.  Everyone’s doing it.  You’re missing out if you don’t.  What are you, a square?  (Er, does anyone say that any more?)  And since I’m brow-beating you into making it I’ll leave you with my recipe for roasted garlic.

 

Roasted Garlic

 

Ingredients:

  • 2 heads garlic
  • 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
  • kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper
  • 2 small sprigs fresh rosemary or thyme (or 1/2 teaspoon dried version of either herb)

 

Preheat oven to 350ºF. 

 

Trim any funky dangly bits off the root end of the garlic and brush away any loose paper without separating the cloves.  (That’s the hairy end, just in case you’re wondering!)  This should allow it to stand up solidly.  Lay garlic on its side on a cutting board and -using a sharp knife- trim about 1/2″ from the flower end of the garlic bulb.  This should just expose the tips of the actual cloves of garlic.

 

Place the garlic heads with the cut side up in a small baking dish that is at least as tall as your garlic.  (If you don’t possess such a thing, simply form a crude bowl from heavy duty aluminum foil and proceed…)  Drizzle the olive oil evenly over the tops of the garlic and sprinkle with a small amount of salt and pepper.  Top each garlic head with a sprig of rosemary or thyme.  Cover the dish with foil (or crimp your foil ‘bowl’ up at the top) and place in the oven to roast for between 30-35 minutes.  **If using the foil bowl method, be sure to place on a rimmed baking sheet before popping into the oven.  It’ll keep you from having any spills and from cursing my name.

 

Examine the garlic to test for doneness.  The ultimate roasted garlic will have a browned papery exterior (but not blackened), deep golden brown cloves and will yield when squeezed gently.  When garlic reaches these benchmarks, remove from the oven and allow to cool for several minutes before using.

 

To extract garlic to use, flip the slightly cooled heads upside down and squeeze from the root end toward the blossom end like a toothpaste tube.  Now eat!  (I’ll be posting our favorite ways of roasted garlic consumption very, very soon.  Ya’ll come back soon for the recipes!)

Filed Under: Appetizers & Snacks, Component Foods, Food Preservation, Instructional, Rebecca Tagged With: , ,

Golden Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread

August 24, 2008 by 7 Comments

Golden Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread with a natural companion; butter!

I have previously mentioned my bias against toaster ovens.  This week my baking ignitor in my oven went right during the most gorgeous stretch of fall-like summer weather.  My husband, the Evil Genius, inexplicably has a love of toaster ovens and has been trying to bring me over to the dark side for years and thinks I’m being close minded in my anti-toaster oven tendencies.  For my part, I suspect that he wants me to admit I like it so that I’ll switch over and do all my baking in it and the propane bills will drop precipitously. 

 

Whatever.  Today I had to do something with the zucchini that were threatening to take over our home, porch and every available square inch of lawn.  My kitchen was piled high with dog-sized zucchini (hound dog, not chihuahua.)  I was racking my brain trying to figure out what I could make.  I could make Zucchinissoise.  That would use up one of the gargantuan squash leaving me with… let’s see… roughly 75 other squash.   Most of them were huge which makes them good for grinding down for bread and butter relish, but that still left me with a major stack-o-zucchini.  Since the oven was broken, stuffed zukes were out of the question.  I really wanted zucchini bread; not-too-sweet, little flecks of green, crusty heels…  You know the stuff.

 

A quiet, annoying voice at the back of my mind started saying, “Just try the toaster oven.  What’s it going to hurt?  Are you afraid you actually will like it?”  I wheeled around, told my husband to stop whispering behind my head, and slogged down to the basement to grab the offending article. 

 

An hour later I was prepared to eat a little crow.  **I heard four and twenty are good when baked into a pie. Not much crow, but a little.  The toaster oven did a bang up job on the zucchini bread.  It helped that I had little silicone mini-loaf pans at my disposal.  Three of the pans fit just perfectly into the oven.  I think those contributed to the overall success.  I could actually visualize myself using the toaster oven for quick breads on a regular basis. 

 

Yikes!  Fun house mirror effect. 

 

And because I am trying to mature into a reasonable human being, I admitted as much to the Evil Genius.  To his credit he did not gloat.  …But I am pretty sure that while he was walking away I heard him say under his breath, “Excellent!  It’s all going according to plan.”

 

 

Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread

This is not your usual zucchini bread recipe.  It’s only slightly sweet and not heavy, using significantly less sugar and oil than the average zucchini bread recipe.  It’s fantastic when topped with cream cheese or whipped butter.  Mmmmm… And you can feel good about eating a lot of it since it’s actually *gasp* great for you!  This is inspired by a King Arthur Flour recipe, but we’re not real lovers of nuts-and-raisins in our quick breads.  I know some of you are ‘tsk’ing me and wagging fingers at me, but there you have it, I’ve been picky like that since I was a kid.

 

Ingredients:

 

  • 2 cups white whole wheat flour
  • 1 cup unbleached bread flour
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1 Tablespoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg
  • 2 large eggs
  • 3/4 cup milk
  • 1/4 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 1/2 cups shredded zucchini with the liquid

Preheat oven (or toaster oven!) to 350°F.  Grease and flour three mini loaf pans or one 9″x5″ loaf pan.  Set aside.

 

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together flours, sugar, baking powder, salt and nutmeg.  In a large measuring cup, whisk together eggs, milk, and vegetable oil.  Pour the liquids into the dry ingredients and stir until most of the flour is incorporated.  Stir in the zucchini and liquid until the batter is evenly moist.

 

Divide the batter evenly between the three mini loaf pans (or add in its entirety to the 9″x5″ loaf pan.) 

 

Bake mini loaf pans approximately 45 minutes, but start checking at 30 minutes.  If using a 9″x5″ pan, begin checking at 45 minutes and expect that it’ll take between 1 hour and 1 hour + 15 minutes to be done.  Whichever pans you use, the loaves will be done when the surface looks dry and a cake tester inserted in the center of the loaf comes out clean.

 

Remove from oven and allow to cool for 15 minutes in the pan on a rack and then removed from the pan on a rack until totally cool. 

 

If the vultures  children and husband do not descend on it and devour it, you can wrap it tightly and store in the fridge for up to a week or in the freezer for up to a month. 

 

 

How did we like the recipe?

 

This got 12 thumbs up out of 14.  The one who maintains a nearly clinical fear of all things green in food initially refused to try it.  He did eat a piece about the size of a dime and proclaimed it, “not horrible”, but I’m not sure that in fairness I can describe that as two thumbs up for him.  So we’ll leave it at 12 out of 14.  I’m not sure HOW he saw the green in it since I nearly obliterated it in my food processor.  I couldn’t actually make out any zucchini and I put it in there.  Kids.

 

As I started saying up above, this is not your standard zucchini bread.  It’s healthy, low in oil and low in sugar.  It’s not coat-your-tongue sweet.  But it’s wonderful.  It has a golden crumb and a nice crust.  I encourage you to try this as a change from the every-day.  I’m willing to bet some of you will switch your allegiance to this one…

Filed Under: Bread, Rebecca Tagged With: , , ,

Star Trek as a metaphor for life.

August 24, 2008 by 2 Comments

Alright.  This is going to be a pure, unadulterated nerd moment.  If you are averse to that, I’d suggest you look away momentarily.

 

The Evil Genius and I were joking about which positions in the Napoleonic Era Royal British Navy the various officers in ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ and the original ‘Star Trek’ would’ve occupied.  Obviously Picard and Kirk would’ve been the Captains.  Riker and Sulu would be Lieutenants of the Watch.  Worf would’ve been a Royal Marine.  Scottie would definitely be ship’s carpenter.  Beverly Crusher?  Well, the surgeon, of course.

 

…And so on and so forth, until one of us said, “Deanna Troi?  Er, what would an empath be on a Royal Navy ship?”  **Leaving aside entirely the argument that none of these fictional characters would have ever been on a Royal Navy ship in the first place…

 

I suggested, ‘Maybe ship psychologist?”  And my husband paused, thought, and exclaimed, “No.  She’d be the ship’s Human Resources liason.  She’s what HR will evolve into.  ‘Captain, I feel he’s lying.’”   Catbert, recast as a hottie with great hair. 

Filed Under: Rebecca
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